Yet Another Blog

2007-05-24T01:10:00.000-04:00

LOST Season Finale Thoughts

"Through the Looking Glass" - a very apt title tonight.

I thought something was amiss with Jack's flashback (actually revealed to be a flash forward if you want to discuss at the water cooler tomorrow), because him growing a beard and getting addicted to OxyContin seemed a pretty big event to cram into his pre-Island timeline.

Of course, this all means that they got off the island. How will the show work now? Will flashbacks be replaced by flash forwards?

And who was in the casket? Seems like it'd be either Sawyer (most likely, since Jack would expectr Kate to be at his funeral, plus who would show up for Sawyer?), Ben (if he was forced off the island his cancer would be back, and again, who would show up for his funeral?), or Locke (maybe Kate got pissed Locke stopped them from getting off the island, which is why she didn't show up, and yet again, who would show up for Locke's funeral?).

High body count tonight - Charlie, ten of the Others at the camp, Greta & Bonnie, Naomi, and Mikhail (maybe).

Sigh, February can't come soon enough...

Oh, and the funeral parlor Jack visited was called Hoffs/Drawler, which is an anagram for ...flash forward.

2007-04-26T15:44:00.000-04:00

Lost has been good lately. It really bottomed out a few months back with the wretched Jack flashback with the scary Asian lady. Even worse, ABC promised answers to three big mysteries, and delivered…nothing, really.

Things did rebound nicely the next week with the episode about Hurley’s van, and have built from there. We found out some key things (who the eye patch guy was, why Claire was kidnapped, how Locke got paralyzed), some seemingly forgotten plot points were picked up again (Sun’s pregnancy, Charlie’s seemingly inevitable death), and of course, some new mysteries were introduced (Flight 815 being found with no survivors, Locke’s Dad in a Box).

The magic wishing box worries me – this could be cool or total Shark Jump Bait.

I guess the season is building to Juliet’s betrayal, and then…I don’t know. A final showdown with the Others? Season 1 and 2 had clear arcs where you knew an issue would be resolved in the season finale (the hatch for season 1, and the button for season 2). However, I’m excited and I can’t wait for next Wednesday. That means they’re doing their job.

However, if any of the following characters die, I will be PISSED: Jin, Hurley, Desmond, Locke, or Sawyer. I’m not hoping anyone else kicks off but I could live with it.

2007-04-18T09:02:00.000-04:00

Saw Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon The Movie Film For Theaters yesterday (sadly, I just asked for a ticket to “the Aqua Teen movie,” instead of pronouncing the film’s entire name). Tuesday seems like a weird day to see a movie, but the local Showcase North has $5 movie Tuesdays, and given the very limited release of the film, I wasn’t sure if it would be in theaters another weekend. And after the Mooninite Invasion of Boston, I felt the movie deserved to be seen in a theater.

Where to start? Well, we were specifically told not to disseminate the plot, but here are some thoughts:

--If you like the show, you’ll like the movie. It did drag in points, which isn’t surprising since you’re taking an 11 minute TV show and turning it into an 87 minute movie. That said, it was funny as hell, even if it didn’t make a lick of sense.

--The movie generally got bad reviews, which also isn’t surprising. I was baffled at points by what I was seeing, so I can’t fathom being a critic who’s never seen the show and had to sit through 87 minutes of in(s)anity.

--Best guest voice was a tie between Bruce Campbell as Chicken Bittle and Neil Peart as himself.

--The film is rated “R,” and there was plenty of swearing, although they bleeped an F bomb from Dr. Weird, even though “fuck” was clearly said at other points in the film.

--They worked in a reference to Bob Clark’s death, even though it occurred only 10 days before the film’s opening (I think it was Bob Clark, Cybernetic Ghost of Christmas Past was hard to understand at points).

--Best origin story ever.

--Where was Handbanana?

2007-04-09T13:58:00.000-04:00

I went to Easter mass on Saturday. Bad idea. It ended up going two and a half hours. TWO AND A HALF HOURS.

There were extra readings and songs between each readings and candles and all sorts of extra-curricular activities. Some guy got baptized and confirmed on the same night. To me, that’s cheating – it’s like getting your learner’s permit and your driver’s license on the same day.

There were also two little kids getting their first communion. The girl was, no exaggeration, dressed like a bride. When they went up to the altar it was like the "Graansha" epsisode of Criminal Intent. Hopefully no one's sister was run down in the parking lot afterwards.

Also somewhat of note – the priest used the term “orgies” during his sermon. Granted, it was in reference to a biblical story.

I also saw a guy with a mullet, but he had it tied in a ponytail. Gotta looks your best for the holidays, I guess.

2007-04-06T15:17:00.000-04:00

(Warning: this is really gross)

So after hosting a successful Wrestlemania Party on Sunday (OK, it was me and my buddy Chris, but we had fun), I was feeling a little funny. I just wrote it off as eating too much pizza and tried to go to bed. But I soon woke up and came to that terrible realization: I had to barf.

This was a sizable event, because I never vomit. Perhaps due to never drinking in excess, and an iron stomach, I had not vomited since freshman year of college (not due to drinking, I was just under the weather). It had been over a decade since I last drove the porcelain bus.

And vomit I did. “Blew chunks” is probably more appropriate. And no, I didn’t make it to the toilet quite in time.

Well, that was it, right? I probably just some bad salsa. But no, sadly, I got up and vomited four more times during the night.

Also, I had Super Diarrhea (TM American Dad) during the night as well, sometimes while I was vomiting (don’t ask for more details).

I called in sick the next day, which I never do. Thankfully around noon the storm had calmed, so to speak, and I slept all day. I even slept through the Red Sox opening game, which, looking at the results, wasn’t the worst idea.

I’m all better now, thank you. No idea what caused me to get this bug, but I did eat at a salad bar on Sunday. Maybe the sneeze guard just didn’t guard well enough…

(Told you this was gross)

2007-03-30T13:04:00.000-04:00

When life gets you down, when nothing's going right, only one thing can brighten your day.

(why does a ninja need a machine gun?)

Yakmallah, everyone.

2007-03-22T00:15:00.000-04:00

Birthday Blogging

This blog turns three years old today, and since I started this on my birthday, it's my b-day as well. But not just any birthday: today I turn the big three-oh.

It's weird that I'm thirtysomething, and by consequence, I'm not in my twenties. I'm not freaking out, it's just...weird. And like my dad told me, it beats the alternative.

Thumbs up to you if you've reading, whether you make this a regular stop or you searched google for "Serena Sutherland" or info on how to win at Punch-Out.

2007-03-13T11:20:00.000-04:00

My ear problems are back again.

Damn.

2007-03-07T15:29:00.000-05:00

I haven't mentioned the diet in a while. Some might think I've failed in my endeavor and didn't want to bring up the subject, but the opposite is true.

I made it.

The goal was 175 pounds. My weight this morning: 174.6

Holy shit.

2007-03-05T15:04:00.000-05:00

I changed the battery in my iPod this weekend. It had been giving me fits for the last few months, conking out after 20 minutes of use sometimes, and other times dying immediately even after I charged it for a few hours. Rather than buying a whole new Ipod, I went to ipodjuice and bought a new battery for $40, with the intention of installing it myself.

The actual process was pretty simple – basically unhook the end pieces, remove some screws, slide the motherboard out of the chassis, unhook the old battery and hook up the new one, and then slap everything back together. But the whole process was so delicate it felt like brain surgery at times. There were so many seemingly fragile pieces, so many parts of the instructions like “WARNING: Do not touch the brown flap or your iPod will implode (of course, I accidentally touched said flap about 60 times).”

Still, I finished in about a half hour and everything’s been fine so far. The battery stood up to four hours of continuous use with nary a glitch.

I had to laugh at two interconnecting ports where identified as “male” and “female.” Hee hee.

2007-02-23T14:55:00.000-05:00

Welcome to The Jungle

I finished reading Upton Sinclair’s The Jungle last week. You probably heard of it – famous novel, came out a hundred years ago, a classic muckraking expose of the Chicago meatpacking industry.

It may be the most depressing book I’ve ever read. If you haven’t, it concerns a Lithuanian family that immigrates to America to seek the American Dream™. Here’s what they encounter/endure:

--Horrific work conditions (unsafe environments, little pay, children having to work)
--Poverty
--Jail (three times!)
--Death (and plenty of it)
--Prostitution
--Swindling
--Crime
--Homelessness
--Disease
--Excess of drink (but curiously never alcoholism)
--“Hoboing” or “tramping”
--Swindling
--Graft
--Sexual harassment

I’m probably forgetting a few things but that’s the gist of it. It’s so macabre it’s almost comical. You expect characters to get hit by an asteroid or trampled by a rhino after a while.

Anyway, the book led to a lot of changes, including the commission of the Food & Drug Administration. Curiously, Sinclair didn’t give a shit – the point of the article was to push Socialism. Indeed, the last 50 pages or so reads like a Socialism pamphlet.

I dunno, I guess it was OK, if a little over the top.

2007-02-19T10:04:00.001-05:00

A few people asked me where the name "Otis" came from. Two places:

(a) I watched "A Night At The Opera" last weekend, starring Groucho Marx as Otis B. Driftwood.

(b) We've been having elevator problems at work. A company e-mail was sent out saying Otis, the elevator contractor, had been notified. I pictured this man named Otis, perhaps with a mullet and overalls, in charge of all our elevators. But it turned out the company is named Otis, Inc. Very dissapointing.

2007-02-19T10:04:00.000-05:00

2007-02-17T10:50:00.000-05:00

Say hi to Otis! He's to your right.

2007-02-08T10:30:00.000-05:00

More True Stories

So I'm in the supermarket getting some pears. This guy comes up to me and offers to sell me a $25 Supermarket Gift Card for $20.

Now, that's a sucker bet. The card may well have only $1.22 left on it, and there's no way to tell just by looking at it. Plus, even if the card still has all its credit, at best I'd make $5. Not exactly the deal of the century.

I politely decline and the man goes on his way. Now, if you're selling a gift card, you need money badly, and you need money for something that you can't buy in a supermarket. HMMMM.

The guy didn't look homeless or anything, but he REEKED of cigarette smoke.

2007-02-01T13:46:00.000-05:00

Got a quad laser, it’s will amaze ya…

Alien Invasion! Guerrilla advertisement for cartoon movie mistaken for bomb threat.

The two guys who planted the ads are charged with placing a hoax device and disorderly conduct

“’It's clear the intent was to get attention by causing fear and unrest that there was a bomb in that location,’ Assistant Attorney General John Grossman said at their arraignment.”

Uh, no champ, it clearly wasn’t. The damn things looked like Lite Brite on blackboard with some batteries.

Look, planting mechanical devices around the city may not have been the best idea, but it’s pretty clear no harm was meant. Why should these two get sent to the pokey?

I agree with Test Pattern, the best part of all this is reporters trying to explain both the Mooninites and the show itself, which isn’t easy even if you watch it.

Describing the Mooninites:
“Trouble-making characters that look like 1980s-era computer graphics.” (Associated Press/MSNBC.com)
“Outer-space delinquents who make frequent appearances on the cartoon." (CNN.com)
"Boxy characters ... named Err and Ignignokt ... Err is described on the "Aqua Teen Hunger Force" website as "rebellious and angry." (Boston.com)
"Two trouble-making, 1980s-graphic-like characters called ''mooninites,'' named Ignignokt and Err” (New York Times)

Describing the show:
“The show follows the misadventures of a carton of French fries, a milkshake and a wad of hamburger meat who live together in a run-down suburban house.” (Associated Press/MSNBC.com)
“The show is an animated comedy about three detectives in the shape of human-sized food products that live together in a rental house in New Jersey.” (Fox News)
“A surreal series about a talking milkshake, a box of fries and a meatball.” Also: “a cartoon with a cultish following” (New York Times)

2007-01-29T11:30:00.000-05:00

A True Story

Saturday afternoon I was reading Night, Elie Wiesel's harrowing, Nobel Prize winning account in his times at the death camps during World War II.

I then received a phone call from My Work Buddy Johnny, who implored me to turn on the E Network, as they were showing The Craziest Moments from dating shows. The clip in question came from that bastion of culture, Cheaters, as a man named Quincy was getting tazered by some kind of security guard. I only assume Quincy was the eponymous cheater, and caused a ruckus that lead to him getting electroshocked.

The next segment feautured a goat. I did not hang around for that.

2007-01-22T13:52:00.000-05:00

Well, that could have gone better.

We had ‘em too, up until Troy Brown’s offensive pass interference call late in the second quarter. That was a momentum changer and the Colts ended up outscoring us roughly 345-12 the rest of the game.

We got beat, though. Can’t say the Colts didn’t earn it.

One nice thing about being a Boston sports fan is that I’ve seen so many catastrophic losses, that this game seems like losing an exhibition game in comparison.

We’ll be back. Hopefully Brady gets healthy, we’ll use our first round draft picks wisely (speed on defense, please), make some good use of the cap (big name receiver), and re-sign Assante Samuel for God’s sake.

2007-01-21T12:13:00.000-05:00

T-Minus 6 hours from gametime.

This is a similar situation to the last game. If the Pats win or lose, I would not be surprised either way. But I think they win today.

Part of it is that I'll still take Brady/Belicheck over Manning/Edwards. The Pats have been catching a lot of breaks so far. Brady has never lost in a dome. Peyton looked like crap last week, and he knows this is his best shot at a Super Bowl. He won't kill his team, but he won't win it either.

Adam V misses a 47 yard field goal that would send the game into overtime.

Pats 27, Colts 24

2007-01-15T16:17:00.000-05:00

Well.

That may have been the most draining game I’ve ever watched. How do you get your ass kicked for 3 hours and somehow come away with the win? At the end I was exhausted but so wired I knew I wouldn’t fall asleep until the wee small hours.

I know next week’s game is going to come down to a last second field goal. Only problem is, I’m not sure who’s kicking it.

Oh man, if Peyton Manning beats the Pats in an AFC championship game on a Viniateri field goal…I have no words.

2007-01-12T10:27:00.000-05:00

Playoffs? PLAYOFFS?

The San Diego Chargers have shut out New England fans from purchasing tickets for Sunday’s game, limiting sales to Southern California residents only.

Apparently this is all legal, because there are no laws against geographical discrimination. If they said, say, no women could purchase tickets, that would be illegal because there are clear laws against discriminating against women.

What if you’re a Charger fan in, say, Nebraska, and you wanted to make the trip out? Are you shut out? And what if your ticket goes to a transplanted Pats fan who lives in SoCal? Are they really expecting Pats fans to flock from around the country and fill up Jack Murphy Stadium (do the Bolts still play there, or is it something like Diet Pepsi With Lime Stadium now?)? And if they did, isn’t that the San Diego fanbase’s fault for not scooping up tickets ASAP?

Anyway, The Chargers seem to be the consensus pick. They had the best regular season record in the League (14-2), they were 8-0 at home, they’re coming off a bye, they have the league MVP in LDT and probably the best defensive player in Shawn Merriman.

But I keep looking back to the coaches and QB’s.

San Diego
Marty Schottenheimer
Phillip Rivers

New England
Bill Belicheck
Tom Brady

Holy crap is that lopsided. That’s a Mike Tyson vs. Glass Joe level mismatch. If the Pats can point some points on the board and neutralize LDT (a pretty huge if) the Chargers will be forced to put the game on Rivers’ shoulders. I like our odds then. Plus you know Marty will screw this up somehow.

So the Pats win a close game. But if the Chargers win, I would not be surprised. If it’s a blowout either way, that would surprise me.

Pats 31, Chargers 28

2007-01-09T15:27:00.000-05:00

YAY first blog post of 2007:

--My New Year’s resolution was to drop a few pounds. So far so good, although dieting is miserable as always. I’m actually pretty good about working out (5 days a week) and I drink almost a gallon of water a day. My problem is I eat like total crap. Now I’m trying to eat just a little less crappily. 4 pounds so far, 8 to go.

--BEST WINTER EVER: I went out to check my mail on Saturday and bundled up in my winter coat and Patriots knit cap. Then I stepped outside and realized it was just shy of 60 degrees. Plus there’s been zero snowfall, except for a light dusting that was gone the next day.

I hate winter. I hate snow. I hate being cold. Living in New England I’ve had to endure some crap weather in my life. I don’t know if it’s global warming or we’re just lucky, but this is A-OK by me.

--And, lastly, some of the search terms that brought people here:

Law and Order SVU cattle prod (Hopefully not looking for instructions)
Detective Goren lame (No, you’re lame!)
serena Sutherland (By far the most popular search term for my sight)
is peyton manning dating anyone? (No comment)
growing a beard first few weeks (Ummm)
Is eli manning dating anyone (I guess Peyton was taken)
does candlebox sing hey jealousy (They, in fact, do not)
desmond lost eddie vedder (Desmond, in fact, is not Eddie Vedder)

2006-12-05T15:55:00.000-05:00

I grew a beard the last few weeks. It started during Thanksgiving week. I had the week off from work, and was so lazy the first few days I decided not to shave.

Shaving sucks, by the way. I somewhat envy those that only have to shave a few times a week (I say somewhat because those men are probably somewhat lacking in testosterone). I can never get a good shave either. Even if I use one of those razors with 18 blades that can cut a brick in half, I always end up looking scruffy by the end of the day.

So anyway, after not shaving for a few days, I thought “why not go with this?” If I’m going to look scruffy, why not just grow a beard? Turn a negative into a positive.

I like it. It itches sometimes but most times I don’t really notice it. I had to do a little maintenance, but I don’t have to shave in the morning so that rules.

I’ll post some pictures if possible.

2006-11-15T09:50:00.000-05:00

Your Vocabulary Score: A-

Congratulations on your multifarious vocabulary!
You must be quite an erudite person.

How's Your Vocabulary?

2006-10-20T14:10:00.000-04:00

TV Report

Lost is slipping the ratings – it’s in no danger of being canceled but it’s no longer the king of Wednesday (that’s now Criminal Minds, one of those shows like NCIS and the Unit that get good ratings, but I don’t know anyone who watches them).

I’m guessing people are fed up with all the mysteries and precious few answers. I can sympathize, really. But Lost is really a victim of its own success. Things will never be as good as the first season where we initially learned about the characters through initial flashbacks (Hurley was a millionaire, Sawyer a con man, Kate was a criminal). In Locke’s first two episodes we learned he was in a wheelchair and his dad stole his kidney (more or less). This year we learn he was a pot farmer and almost shot Billie Joe from Green Day. I kinda wish they’d limit the flashbacks and just stick to advancing the plot.

Speaking of TV hits now one watches, I caught an episode of Close to Home last Saturday night. For those don’t know, CTH is a lawyer show (featuring the vacant Jennifer Branigan as Annabeth Chase (groan)) set in Indianapolis that I guess deals with shocking crimes (you know, that hit close to home). They episode I watched concerned the murder of a woman who was about to get married. She and her husband had agreed to remain virgins until marriage, but she was actually married years before, and her ex-husband was in town. Apparently they had sex and he strangled her. He said it was consensual and she liked it rough, and the woman’s future husband shot him in court before he could testify. Then we learned the future husband actually hired the ex-husband to kill his future wife because he found out she wasn’t a virgin. It was like Law and Order: SVU without the interesting characters or compelling plot (by the way, my favorite SVU plot from last year involved a woman who drugged men with GHB, then stuck a cattle prod up their ass to harvest and sell their sperm. Wholesome!).

I had to laugh at the DA, who was a total rip off of Fred Dalton from Law and Order. I guess they kicked him off and replaced him with the dude from JAG to attract younger viewers. Sheesh. Why am I talking about this show?

Criminal Intent has been pretty solid the past few weeks. They’ve made changes (CSI-like camera effects, no more “chung chung” noise, more graphic violence), none of which are for the better, but it’s not like it’s killing the show. I don’t mind Julianne Nicholson either, and I’m warming up to Eric Bogosian. Ratings are up too, but that may change when House returns.

2006-10-11T09:31:00.000-04:00

A brief example of what it's like to be me:

I was perfect in the football pool this week, correctly predicted the outcome of all 14 games. And I still didn't win.

Amazingly, 2 other people correctly predicted every game, so the tiebreaker was the total amount of points scored on Monday Night's game. I picked 38, as I do for every game. The final score was 13-3.

2006-09-26T17:30:00.000-04:00

NBC's Criminal Intent Preview for tonight:

TRU LOVE
9pm 2006-09-26 ALL NEW!

A DAD'S WOMANIZING WAYS UNCOVER A HIDDEN LOVE AFFAIR BETWEEN A TEACHER AND A STUDENT -- Keith Cooper (guest star Anton Yelchin) is no stranger to his dad's womanizing ways, but when Dr. Grant Cooper winds up dead after his motorcycle is found sabotaged, Detectives Logan (Chris Noth) and Wheeler (Julianne Nicholson) find a private collection of the Doctor's personal conquests. When Keith's high-school teacher, Danielle (guest star Anne Dudek) shows up on one of tapes, the Detectives assume her jealous husband is to blame. But the case takes a major turn when the Detectives find Danielle in the arms of her under-aged student. Eric Bogosian also stars. TV-14

2006-09-21T15:24:00.000-04:00

Criminal Intent Season Premiere Workrate Report

WHAT WORKED

--The overall story. Very intense and different from your standard CI story, but still ultimately still a CI story.

--Eames’ escape. It was nice to see her not just play “damsel in distress,” which would go against her character. Plus she got all MacGuyver in untying herself, shorting out the lock, and scaling a wall while wearing heels.

--Eric Bogosian. The new captain looks like he’ll be fun, as he won’t defer to Goren as much as Captain Deakins did. But they do have to tread lightly, less he turn into the stereotypical “grumpy boss.” Plus why would he have a problem with Goren’s methods, when he’s solved something like 100 cases in a row?

--The acting. Very nice job from the cast, plus guest stars John Glover and Martha Plimpton. D’Onofrio (who usually chews the scenery so much he should wear a bib) was excellent, especially in the scene with Jo’s confession.

--The final scene with Goren and Eames. Awwwww…

--Logan saying “I’ve never had a partner with freckles before” in next week’s preview. That killed me.

WHAT DIDN’T WORK

--No ADA. Didn’t appear in the show, or even the opening credits. I miss Ron Carver saying “We don’t have enough evidence to prosecute.”

--The mystery. I figured out Jo was the killer pretty early on. I know CI isn’t about the “whodunit” as much as the “whydunit,” but Jo’s motivations were pretty clear from the start.

--The cheesy “stalker-cam” in the opening. Dumb and it had no place in CI.

--The opening credits change. Usually the last image is you see before the logo and the cast power walking is Goren and Eames standing in front of an older woman and two police officers, with Goren holding a pair of handcuffs (from the season 1 episode “Smothered”). Then it goes “negative” and we see the logo. It’s a great image. Now we just have Goren and Eames standing in a field or something. Lame.

2006-09-19T15:06:00.000-04:00

TV Party Tonight!

Tonight's Law and Order: Criminal Intent's season premiere preview:

BLIND SPOT
9pm 2006-09-19 ALL NEW!
A STRING OF MURDERS LEADS TO AN APPARENT SERIAL KILLER ON THE LOOSE AS A MEMBER OF THE MAJOR CASE SQUAD IS KIDNAPPED-- When the body of a former Ambassador's daughter is found brutally murdered in her uptown home, Detectives Goren (Vincent D'Onofrio) and Eames (Kathryn Erbe) question a jealous ex-boyfriend. But when another body shows up with a similar crime scene, Detective Goren's old mentor (Guest Star John Glover) and his daughter (Guest Star Martha Plimpton) suddenly return to warn of a past serial killer back on the loose. The search gets personal as a member of the Major Case Squad is kidnapped. Eric Bogosian also stars.

This should be interesting. With the big cast changes and change in producers, I'm curious to see if the show changes at all. And with their season order cut to 18 episodes, this may be the last hurrah for the Major Case Squad. Back tomorrow with thoughts.

2006-09-18T15:33:00.000-04:00

Somewhat lost in the shuffle of the sea change in this year’s NFL programming (Monday Night Football moving to ESPN from ABC, and the Sunday Night Game moving from ESPN to NBC) is the loss of NFL Primetime. Primetime, the venerable recap show hosted by Chris Berman and Tom Jackson (with occasional help from a variety of others, including Robin Roberts and the immortal Pete “The Ax” Axthelm) was a staple in our household for years and years. When I was in school, it didn’t matter if I had a term paper or mid-term the next day, I would make time and watch NFL Primetime with my dad.

But with the new deal, NBC has procured the rights to show highlights of Sunday’s games, and launched their own recap show, Football Night in America. It sucks.

First of all, what kind of name is Football Night in America? It sounds like a show from the 1950’s.

Second, you have a panel of Bob Costas (who I don’t care for), Chris Collinsworth (hate him), Sterling Sharpe (OK, can get tiresome), and Jerome Bettis (OK). They have this real high tech studio they tout, but really, who cares? Aren’t the games the story?

Berman and Jackson would catch flack from fans, some of it deserved. But damn, these guys had recapping games down to a science. Not only would they hit highlights, they’d show things other shows gloss over. On a big play, maybe they’d focus on a key block a tight end made, or a route a receiver ran that tricked the free safety, freeing up another receiver for a big score.

I tried week 1 of Football Night in America and lasted 20 minutes. They started out with using local reporters to talk to players in various games. Total waste of time. Has anyone ever learned anything from one of these post-game interviews (“We’re glad we won. Our opponents are a tough team. We have more work to do. It’s nice to have a win.”)? Then they just run through your basic Sportscenter highlights and it’s very uninspiring.

I suppose it’s unfair to give a show so little chance, but these men are professionals who have done a lot of work together before. We expect and deserve more.

Berman and Jackson have a segment on the 11 PM Sportscenter, but it’s really not enough. Couldn’t the powers that be realize this is a backwards move for sports fans? Doesn’t anyone take these things into account?

All I could think while watching the Bills/Dolphins game was…NO ONE circles the wagons like the Buffalo Bills.

2006-09-08T15:00:00.000-04:00

I spilled a cup of ice water on my lap this morning. This was bad for two reasons: (1) spilling cold liquids on your extremities is no fun, and (2) it looked for all the world like I had peed my pants.

I did avert disaster, however, by sneaking down to the gym and using the hair dryer to dehydrate my trousers, with no one the wiser. I call that a triumph.

I finished Moby Dick last week. It’s a baffling book. Not much happens in the way of plot. But there’s plenty about whales. Chapters devoted to the anatomy of whales, how to hunt whales, how to get oil from whales, how to prepare whale to eat, good painting of whales, bad paintings of whales, etc. It’s a combo story-encyclopedia-how to manual.

It’s also not an easy read – it’s something you’ll have to read a few times to really get. Maybe I’ll pick it up again someday. But I have read it.

I wonder what takes its pace as The Book I Really Should Have Read But Never Did. Probably “The Sound & The Fury.”

2006-07-27T14:45:00.000-04:00

“I got called for jury duty. Bleh.”
“It’s a small price to pay to live in a free society.”
“Big deal.”
“You also get to play God with people’s lives.”
“Well, they should print that on the letter.”

I had jury duty yesterday. I’ve actually never been called before, other than one time in college that was canceled. Good thing too, it was in East Brookfield (way the hell out of the way) and there was a child murder case going on at that time.

I had to go to Fitchburg, which sucked, because it’s a half hour away and the AC in my car is busted. I show up and of course the whole area around the courthouse is one way streets. The parking lot is full, so I stop at a meter and hope for the best.

I check in and sit in with the rest of the jurors. I brought along Moby Dick but couldn’t read because (A) there was a TV playing the Today Show really loud, and (B) I was too tense to read. I know a guy who got stuck on a three day case, and who the hell wants that?

I sat in the back row next to a man who had to have been setting up an insanity defense to get out of jury duty, because he just kept mumbling to himself while we were waiting.

We watch a wacky video on being a juror and then finally get called into court at 10:30. There was only 1 trial that day, and they needed six jurors, so with 20 potential jurors I thought the odds were in my favor. They started calling out numbers and it’s pretty intense. No whammies! They call out six jurors, and I think I’m home free. But then of course the prosecution makes two people sit down, so two more get called. Then the defense makes another person sit down, so someone else gets called up. The judge thanks us for showing up and sends us on our way and I get the hell out of dodge.

Of course I get lost trying to get back to the highway, because eventually find my way home. I get back at 11:30 and have the whole day to myself. So that’s cool. Jury duty wasn’t that bad, I did my civic duty, plus I’m free for three years.

And yes, I’m reading Moby Dick for the first time. Probably #1 on the “books I should have read but never have.” Its starts really well but now I’m at the part where Ishmael talks about whales and their genealogy for pages on end – BRUTAL. If I’m reading this right apparently dolphins are whales. Who knew?

2006-07-05T16:27:00.000-04:00

True to my word, I beat Liberty City Stories yesterday morning. I would have done it Monday night but I was tired. Here’s my guide to the final mission, which isn’t that tough when you know what to do:

Beforehand, I HIGHLY recommend you find at least 70 hidden packages, so you have easy access to armor (a must), the colt revolver, the assault rifle, and the laser sniper. Pick up two sets of rockets too.

Step 1: Get in the Leone Sentinel and drive Salvatore to Staunton and City Hall. There’s going to be a car of Farellis shooting at you soon after you leave Sal’s, but just ignore them and keep going. I cut through Chinatown and never saw them again.

Step 2: When you arrive at City Hall, get out of the car and blast the four hitmen. Use the Colt for one shot kills – if you take a little damage don’t worry.

Step 3: Drive to the docks (the same place where you did the “Love on the Rocks” mission). There’s armor in the swimming pool area in one of the apartment buildings as you approach the docks. Get in the circle and snipe the wiseguy on the docks.

Step 4: Now you’re in the boat as Sal drives and you have to take out the numerous boats (and a helicopter) following you. My only advice is keep you finger on the trigger, since there’s no ammo limitation, and aim for the boats and they’ll blow up quickly. Your damage meter should get half full but you’ll be fine.

Step 5: Here’s where it gets tricky. Your at the lighthouse and there are hitman staged all over the hill in hard to hit places. My advice is to creep slowly along the path and use the rocket launcher to clear out any bogeys (just make sure you don’t blast yourself to smithereens, as I did on one attempt). I also lobbed a grenade at the guy hiding in the grass. Once you have a clear path, run up the stairs to the checkpoint.

Step 6: Now you have to take out the helicopter. DON”T use the missiles – the copter moves too fast. Use the assault rifle, and you can lock on. Just keep blasting and grab the armor if necessary. The chopper should be done in no time. Then kick back and watch the credits.

I still have stuff to do like the side missions and whatnot, but I don’t know if I’ll bother. Getting 100% completion in a game never really mattered to me, you know?

2006-07-03T14:48:00.000-04:00

Give Me Liberty (City)!

Everyone knows the love and respect I have for the Grand Theft Auto series of video games, even naming GTAIII one of my top ten games of all time. Now it’s back with GTA: Liberty City Stories, and I implore everyone to buy it.

One of the big complaints about follow-ups Vice City and San Andreas (especially the latter) was that they were too damn big. San Andreas was so huge and cavernous you could spend seemingly hours driving aimlessly on missions. Looking back, Liberty City and its three islands were really the perfect size – big, but not huge (although finding your way around Shoreside Vale is still a huge pain in the ass). Well, when I heard they were releasing a new GTA game set in Liberty City, I was intrigued.

LCS was originally designed for the portable PSP, which about 7 people have bought, so they made a port for the regular PS2 and are charging only $20 for the game. My only caveat was that I’ve been playing the GTA series on my PC, which has its own control scheme that obviously differs from the PS2. Well, I needn’t have worried; the control scheme is fine and easy to get used to (thanks to the auto lock targeting).

Some may squawk that revisiting Liberty City smells of rehash, but really, it’s like putting on an old pair of slippers. It’s awesome to revisit all the old sights, like the bistro in St. Marks or the Cochrane Dam in Shoreside Vale. It just…feels right.

The story is largely similar to GTAIII – you’re Tony Cipriani, returning after a long hiatus to Liberty City. The year is 1998, 3 years before GTAIII, and you do dirty work for a variety of folks, including mob boss Salvatore Leone, his wife Maria, and media mogul Donald Love, all later seen in GTAIII. In fact, the continuity is incredible, as minor characters from Vice City and San Andreas pop up all over.

The controls have “regressed” to GTAIII, in that you can’t climb, crouch, or swim (the latter is a travesty – falling into water neck deep results in instant death), but they did add motorcycles this time, and thank God (in a funny note, the instruction book, which is designed like a newspaper, has an article calling for the banning of motorcycles, explaining why they’re not in GTAIII).

The radio stations are back, more like GTAIII where there are a lot of unknown or little known artists. I will say I miss being able to load my own MP3’s onto a station, but the radio chatter (listen for Nurse Bob, Lazlo, the technology show, and the bickering DJ’s on the pop station) makes up for it.

I’m actually pretty close to finishing all the main missions (I’m at the part where I have to steal the two corpses for Donald Love – don’t ask). The game can be challenging but never unfair. I’m planning a marathon session tomorrow and hopefully can wrap it up then.

Have a happy 4th, y’all.

2006-06-13T16:20:00.000-04:00

Steelers QB in motorcycler crash

I don’t like Ben Rothlisberger – I don’t know why, he seems like an OK guy. He does play for the Steelers, who I dislike, but I never really cared one way or the other about Bubby Brister or Tommy Maddox (I did greatly dislike Kordell Stewart, and took great delight in his failures against the Patriots – maybe I just don’t like Steeler QB’s that win?).

Regardless, I would certainly never wish ill on another human being, even one I disliked, and took no personal pleasure in Big Ben’s motorcycle accident yesterday, but really, how stupid can you be? I don’t mean to pile on, but really:

1. Why are you riding motorcycles if you’re a pro athlete? If my job depended on my body being in top physical conditions, I wouldn’t be riding a screaming crotch rocket around (without a helmet, no less, but we’ll get to that in a sec). I wouldn’t even play a pickup game of basketball. You just have so much to lose. Save that shit for when you retire.
2. How could he not wear a helmet. He’s a freaking football player, you’d think he’d be used to it. And if you think it looks dumb, I imagine having no teeth in your mouth would make you look a little dumber.
3. All Pittsburgh has is football, so you’re carrying the hopes and dreams of a lot of people around. Pittsburgh doesn’t have an NBA team. The Penguins finished last in their conference this year. The Pirates would be the laughingstock of the NHL is it wasn’t for the Royals. The Steelers are all there is. Way to dash the hopes and dreams of an entire city, Ben.

One thing I heard is that Ben will require facial surgery similar to what former WWF wrestler Brutus “The Barber” Beefcake underwent. Does this mean Rothlisberger will start hosting his own NFL interview segment called “Big Ben’s Clocktower?"

2006-05-25T15:22:00.000-04:00

Random thoughts after last night's Lost season finale:

--One idea being kicked around is that the 4-toed statue is a reference to the Colossus of Rhodes. My favorite theory is that the statue was of the Egyptian God of the Underworld, Anubis. Why? Because in most artistic renderings he had 4 toes, plus it would explain the hieroglyphics when the counter reached zero.

--I am happy that we did learn quite a bit last night – the button really does have a purpose, we found out exactly was happened when Locke pounded on the hatch and the light went on, we learned who painted the invisible map, that the pneumatic tubes went nowhere, the outside world still exists, and why the plane crashed (although I doubt very greatly that’s the only reason the plane crashed).

--Gotta love the Odyssey connection - guy crashed his boat and spends years trying to get back to his true love, Pen(elope). If Pen has a son named Telemachus I’d say that seals the deal.

--I thought Walt said the button was bad and they shouldn’t push it during one of his appearances earlier this year (granted, he said it backwards, but still). He sure botched that call.

--No terribly funny Sawyer dialogue this week, at least nothing matching last week when he referred to Hurley as “Grape Ape.” GRAPE APE

--Locke saying “I was wrong” was sad but really funny at the same time, basically going “oops” as the world is ending.

--Of course, we have a million questions too: Who died at the end? Are Michael and Walt gone for good? What the frig is up with the statue? And the Portuguese guys in Antarctica? Desmond’s girlfriend? Did the hatch blow up? What happened when Desmond turned the key? Is the electromagnet thingee gone? And if so, are Locke and Rose screwed?

--I was very glad the voice of Mr. Krabs got so much screen time last night, even if he did end up getting his head smashed. I’d wager he’s still kicking around – he just has to meet Sayid.

--The bird that said Hurley’s name has to be a reincarnation of Libby. But if it was, it should have attacked Michael, or at least pooped on him.

--That part that killed me is that no one thought to go look at the hatch right the world almost ended. WTF was up with Charlie at the end – was he in shock or just being a dick? What the hell happened to Locke and Eko? I’m assuming Desmond’s gone but can’t fathom the other two being removed in such a manner.

--As for “reading Dickens as the last thing I do before I die” – what cruddy foreshadowing. That said, I really liked the Desmond character this week and I hope he wasn’t atomized.

--The lesson for this week: if you let strange women buy you coffee, you may end up with a boat.

2006-05-12T12:08:00.000-04:00

I’ve been following Pearl Jam for 15 years, which is a record for a band that’s still active. There have been peaks and valleys of interest, but there has always been a decent level of interest for a decade and a half.

I’m surprised at all the PJ music I own: seven regular albums, the first official live album, 4 of the double CD “bootleg” albums, the double CD rarities collection, the Merkin Ball EP, and the “Last Kiss” and “Jeremy” singles. Well, there’s been rumbling’s that their new self titled album was their best in years, and a Green Day like comeback was a ‘brewin. I hope so – say what you want, but Pearl Jam is a sincere and heartfelt band, and I think the world’s a better place when bands like that find success (I apologize for the flowery language – it’s been a long week).

Anyway, it’s Pearl Jam day, as I try to listen to every proper PJ album I own. Thoughts:

Ten: This is one depressing album: songs about teenage suicide, homelessness, abortion, murder, and other fun. But that’s what makes it so great – no mainstream stuff in the early 90’s touched topics like this, and if they did it was clumsy at best. It’s weighty, but still accessible (there’s a reason it sold ten million copies), and while it peters out slightly at the end, this is almost flawless rock.

Vs.: Ah, the difficult second album. This one feels a bit rushed, and there are some outright turds here (“W.M.A.” was just a bad idea, sorry). But there’s a lot of great stuff (especially the first five tracks) that are as good as anything PJ has done.

Vitalogy: My favorite PJ album. Not only their strongest set of songs (including “Corduroy,” the best PJ song hands down), but also some goofy, fucked up shit. With rock so middle of the road these days, I can appreciate Eddie Vedder singing about bugs with his accordion.

No Code: Everyone gave up on PJ after Vitalogy. Their loss – this is by far the most underrated PJ album. It’s a bit of a mess, but it’s a lovely mess, plus it has one of their top three songs in “Smile.”

Yield: A supposed return to form, although a lot of the album is pretty mediocre. Still, “In Hiding,” “Faithful,” “Given to Fly,” and “Do the Evolution” make it worthwhile.

Binaural: I’m one of about 12 people who own this album – it is better than Yield, I’ll say that. “Breakerfall” is a great tune. People really slept on this one, too.

Riot Act: I just realized I don’t even own this – oops. Everyone says it’s pretty dreary.

Pearl Jam: It took a while for me to warm up to this one – it’s not as immediate as you may have heard. That said, after a few spins you realize this is definitely their best album since No Code (and it may be better than that). Eddie and pals sound more immediate and focuses than they have in a while. If you’ve been out of the loop for a while, it’s definitely recommended.

2006-05-04T11:49:00.000-04:00

Oops, I missed the whole month of April. Sorry.

I may not update, but this guy does. Check out Dave's Long Box, where a guy named Dave reviews his old comics. It's fun and genuinely funny.

As for Lost, what is with sex and death? It seems if you're a women and get it on, you better have your last will and testament taken care of. Observe:

--Shannon scores with Sayid, that same episode gets blown away by Ana Lucia.
--Ana Lucia has a roll in the hay with Sawyer, and gets shot by Michael.
--Libby was going on a picnic with Hurley on the beach with some wine (and we know where that was going) and gets shot. Since she didn't bump uglies, I'm assuming she's still alive.

If I was Kate I'd take as many cold showers in the hatch as possible.

Men seem somewhat immune from the curse. Boone died, and he did have a creepy crush on Shannon, but I wouldn't count that. I don't think Arzt was gettin' it on with anyway. Let's hope that's a flashback we don't get.

2006-03-31T15:58:00.000-05:00

We haven't done this in a while - here's a list of recent searches that lead people to this site:

headstomp video (you got me)
wwf wrestlefest ram (I'm guessing they meant "rom")
the clash tim armstrong update (no idea what this is about)
brick ben folds its abou (it's "abou" an abortion, fyi)
Det. Joe Fontana (yup)
is wrestlemania appropriate for kids (another fyi: no, it isn't)
"Rap songs about butts" (I'm so proud)
serena sutherland (I get this search a lot, still)
play mike tyson knock out in cafe (this would be the strangest search on the list)
punch a cop (oops, I stand corrected)
Gil Fennerty (I'd like to think this is Gil himself googling his name)
gary clark redskins (I hope this person enjoyed my story of Tecmo Bowl Glory)
macdonald's brand (beats me)
eartquake disaster videos (can't anyone spell anymore?)

2006-03-29T10:50:00.000-05:00

I started playing Super Punch Out for the SNES after reminiscing about its predecessor, Mike Tyson’s Punch Out for the NES. I had never owned a SNES so I had never played the game until a few weeks back.

I think it’s a worthy successor, but MTPO had a certain charm that’s lacking in the sequel. Super Punch Out is hardly a bad game (it’s pretty great, in fact), but MTPO is one of those once in a lifetime games you don’t forget.

Anyway, the gist of the game is the same – you’re Little Mac, you have to fight through a bunch of weirdoes to win the title etc etc etc. There are some big changes afoot, however:

--Better graphics and sound. The fighters look sharper, the crowd is great (especially the grandmothers in the front row), and the sound is much improved.
--Mac is no longer two feet tall. Relating to the point above, graphics improved enough so you can see through Mac during the fight (like the Punch Out arcade games, just not with the wacky polygonal designs), so there’s no reason to make him a munchkin.
--The ring is bigger. In the original MTPO the fighters were largely stationary. Now your opponents can jump to the left or the right, which can be very disconcerting at first.
--One round fights. Fights only last three minutes, and after that it goes to a decision. Bad move – the best part of MTPO was the trash talk between rounds (“I was a trainer…at the academy”).
--The “star” uppercuts are still intact, kinda. If you connect on a certain number of consecutive punches without taking damage, your “punch” meter gets full, at which point you can unleash a killer jab or uppercut. And there’s no limit either – as long as the meter is full, you can throw as many special punches as you want. You can also try multiple quick specials in a row, but I’m not a big fan of that strategy.

Another difference is there are some goofy fighters in Super Punch Out. Pretty much everyone in MTPO dressed like a boxer (aside from a few exceptions, like Great Tiger wearing a turban in the ring) – in Super Punch Out they loaded up on oddballs.

Minor Circuit
Gabby Jay: Takes over the role of punching bag from Glass Joe, with an identical 1-99 record. Gabby gets extra credit for his awesome mustache and battle cry of “Yay!”
Bear Hugger: Morbidly obese Canadian who wears overalls in the ring, which I guess is acceptable in the Minor Circuit. I’m embarrassed because my sister and I could never beat him in the arcade version (she would work the joystick, I would hit the buttons – maybe that was the problem), but he’s really easy here. He also 24 years younger and 330 pounds heavier than Gabby Jay, and they’re allowed to fight in the same league? Who booked this, Pride?
Piston Hurricane: In the original Punch Out arcade game, Piston was from Detroit (hence the name “Piston”). In Mike Tyson’s Punch Out, he was now Japanese and called Piston Honda. Now he’s back to being Piston Hurricane, but now hails from Cuba. Why the crap would a guy from Cuba be named Piston?
Bald Bull: Pretty much the same as from MTPO, right down to the Bull Charge

Major Circuit
Bob Charlie: Jamaican parody of Bob Marley. Says “hoo” a lot for reasons I cannot determine. Laughably inept fighter.
Dragon Chan: Chan’s all about the flying karate kicks, which is curious since this is, you know, a boxing game and all. Maybe Super Punch Out is the first Mixed Martial Arts game.
Masked Muscle: I give them credit for introducing a lucha character in 1994, although I question if wearing a mask during a boxing match is a good idea. His big move is spitting in your eye. Must be a rudo.
Mr. Sandman: Largely the same, though not nearly as menacing as he was in MTPO.

World Circuit
Aran Ryan: Ugly Irishman. If you take his first initial his name is A. Ryan. Aryan? Is this just a wacky coincidence? This guy confounded me the first couple of times I played him, but really he’s easy once you know what you’re doing, which is the story of a lot of these fighters.
Heike Kagero: Seemingly transsexual Japanese boxer who attacks you with his hair. More than a tad disturbing.
Mad Clown: Mad Clown boxes in, yes, full clown regalia, and whose main attack is throwing juggling balls at you. I’d love to see this attempted in the real world.
Super Macho Man: Largely the same, but a lot tougher, actually.

If you go undefeated through the first three circuits, you get to unlock the Special Circuit.

Special Circuit
Narcis Prince: Prince William type of fighter who freaks out if you hit him in the face. He wears a totally ridiculous outfit – shorts, a shirt, and a basketball jersey on top of that.
Hoy Quarlow: Maybe the most ridiculous fighter in the game – not only is he 78 years old, not only does hear wear a monk outfit in the ring, 50% of his offense is hitting you with a big stick. Took me forever to figure him out.
Rick Bruiser: Weird alien looking guy with some nasty tricks (like temporarily breaking your arm). But in the end he was much easier to beat than Hoy.
Nick Bruiser: The big boss in the game with some really nasty tricks (including a barrage that takes energy off even if you block). Still, Nick Bruiser, I’ve fought Mike Tyson, and you sir, are no Mike Tyson.

So yeah, that’s Super Punch Out. A fun game, if not a classic.

2006-03-22T22:27:00.000-05:00

Happy Blogiversary

I started this blog two years ago. I know this because I started it on my birthday.

It's not much (and it's been wildly neglected at points), but it's my corner of the World Wibe Web and I like it.

If you've been here accidentally or otherwise, I thank you. Hope you've had as much fun as I have.

2006-03-19T22:51:00.000-05:00

Here were some of the games I had to leave off the top ten:

River City Ranson: It killed me to leave this off, but I had no choice. A mythic Double Dragon style beat 'em up from the makers of Super Dodge Ball. Game features included bad guys turning into coins after yelling "BARF," learning fighting techniques from reading, energy and wisdom gained from eating hamburgers, and your character's bare ass as they took a shower.

Various Madden games: For obvious reasons

Mutant League Football: A brillant game that took the Madden formula and added monsters. Best of all, if you beat up a guy enough they exploded. And if too many of your teammates died, you forfeited the game. Whoever came up with that should have a building named after them. Great sound effects for the coaches too.

NHL '93: Really solid hockey game, famous for two reasons: (1) you could bust a guy's head open and make them bleed on the ice, and (2) the "head one way then shoot the puck the opposite way" scoring technique that resulted in 20 goal games.

Mortal Kombat II: Probably the best of the series. I was a whiz with the guy with the hat (don't know his name, don't bother telling me)

Super Mario Kart: Very fun and influential game, best played against other people.

The blog turn two on Wednesday - I'll definitely post then.

Joe

2006-02-27T16:10:00.000-05:00

The loooong awaited # 1…

#1: WCW vs. nWo World Tour/WCW Revenge/Wrestlemania 2000/Virtual Pro Wrestling 2/WWF No Mercy (N64 – 1997, 1998, 1999, 2000, 2000)

Yes, five games at number one. “Cheating!” you decry. Well, maybe. But it’s my list. And the five games are so closely connected I couldn’t possibly separate them. Each sequel improved on the others, but each game in the series has its own unique charm that I frequently revisit them.

What they’re about: Wrestling. Two games covering WCW, 2 games covering WWF, and another covering every major Japanese promotion.

Why they’re here: The AKI engine. As I said in previous posts, coming up with a solid wrestling engine is hard – how do you adapt a fake sport to make it real. Given the landslide of shitty home wrestling games, it’s not an easy task. Most games revolved around “button mashing,” meaning control would go to whoever could pound the controls the most. But the Aki system – having to use weak grapples and building up to stronger moves, plus weak and strong striking and “special” moves – was not only the most “realistic” engine, it also involved a good amount of strategy.

Even the first game, WCW vs. nWo World Tour (by far the weakest entry in the series), was a quantum leap forward from any prior home wrestling game. That particular game introduced the engine that would largely remain unchanged for the duration of the series. Also, half the game was made up Japanese wrestlers with different names, which was odd. It’s like having a MLB game and leaving out the Milwaukee Brewers in favor of the Yomiuri Giants. No matter – I had a blast playing with anyone, even Ali Baba.

A year later, WCW/nWo Revenge hit the stores and was superior in its predecessor in every way. Much better graphics, actual entrances, replays, more moves, the ability to edit a wrestler’s outfit, a scary attention to detail, and a humongous roster. Seriously, everyone was in this game, even random folks like Stevie Ray, Yuji Nagata, and Larry Zybysko. There were a few Japanese wrestlers back as well, but due to copyright issues they changed everyone’s appearance in addition to their name. Needless to say, Maya Inca Boy and Hawk Hana did not get much use.

This was all well and good, but WCW was pretty stinky around this time, while the WWF was heating up. “If only THQ/AKI could make a WWF game,” we wondered – and then it happened! Thus came Wrestlemania 2000, which not only had a full WWF roster, but also added entrances and music, a solid season mode, and best of all, a Create-A-Wrestler function, allowing you to recreated all the WCW and ECW wrestlers who were no longer in the game.

While waiting for the next sequel I invested in Virtual Pro Wrestling 2, the Japanese version of the THQ/AKI series, with obviously wrestlers from the various Japanese companies. Best of all was adding a shoot fighting, which took me a while to appreciate, but added a whole new dimension to the game. If the game wasn’t in Japanese it may be my favorite of the bunch. Hell, it may be my favorite anyway.

Last but not least was WWF No Mercy in 2000, the last game in the series. Not a major leap forward, but they added am improved season mode with several different paths (where you had to lose certain matches in order to proceed) as well as the Smackdown mall, where you could use money won in the game to purchase different moves and items of clothing.

Sadly, that was it for THQ and AKI. THQ went on to produce the Smackdown games for the PS2 (which are decent but a bit too arcade-y for me), while AKI took its engine to such wacky games as Def Jam Vendetta.

Personal Memories: I’ll just leave you with this tidbit: before I played WCW vs. nWo World Tour I had no desire to buy a Nintendo 64 system. After I played it I was determined to buy one, and even worked on my Christmas Vacation at Blockbuster Video to do so (including New Year’s Eve, which may have been one of the crappiest days of my life). Didn’t matter – it was so very worth it. And if that’s not the number one game of all time, I don’t know what is.

2006-02-13T16:28:00.000-05:00

Two notes from the last entry:

1. Vodka Drunkenski actually was a character in the Super Punch Out arcade game.
2. Piston Honda was actually Piston Hurricane in the arcade version, from Detroit. Curiously, in the SNES version of Super Punch Out, he now hailed from Cuba.

#2 Tecmo Super Bowl (NES 1991)

What it’s about: Football, duh. This was the sequel to the legendary Tecmo Bowl, also for the NES.

Why it’s here: Football is a complex game. Concepts like stunt coverage, prevent defense, safety blitzing, it’s a bit much if you’re not a student of the game. That’s why a game like Madden can be so daunting to casual fans. But the genius of Super Tecmo Bowl is that it strips football down to it’s simplest elements while still making it feel like football. You have 8 plays to choose from on offense, four run and four pass. On defense, you have the same 8 plays to choose from. If you guess the right play, your defense (usually) stops the play for a big loss. It’s that easy.

It’s also possibly the most improved sequel ever. Here’s a list of things they added: an NFL license, including team logo and player names, a full schedule including playoffs, player injuries, player status (ranging from “excellent” to “bad”), stat tracking (everything you can think of, from punt average to yards per interception return), more players on the field, double the number of plays to choose from, the ability to pick your own playbook, and a wacky Super Bowl halftime show featuring Mighty Jack.

Drawbacks? Sometimes while playing a game, the computer will just decide that you ain’t gonna win. You’ll drop passes, fumble like the ball was dipped in grease, and have the other team break for an 80 yard score. You just ain’t gonna win.

Some players were a little too good. Lawrence Taylor played like he smoked a mountain of crack before every game.

Personal Memories: Winning the Super Bowl with the Buffalo Bills with my buddy Sean. Lots of Super Bowl wins, including the Houston Oilers with an unbeatable Warren Moon-Drew Hill combo. My college roommate Bill breaking every receiving record imaginable with HC alum Gil Fennerty of the Saints.

Next: #1

2006-02-09T16:37:00.000-05:00

Oops, long time no update.

#3 Mike Tyson's Punch-Out (NES 1987)

What it's about: You, play Mac, a boxer with a lot of guts even though he's only three feet tall. With manager Doc at your side to rub your shoulder, you take on assorted weirdos and stereotypes to get a shot at Iron Mike himself.

Why it's here: Well, first of all, this one probably the best arcade port of the 80's, really an amazing achievement considering the limitations of the NES back in the day. In the arcade version, your character was "see through," something they couldn't recreate on the NES, so they just shrunk your character to pint size. The graphics obviously weren't as sharp, but the way they carried over the feel of the game is astounding.

The amazing thing about the game is it's high replay value. You'd think, once you beat the game, why bother playing again? Well, MTPO may have the highest replay value of any game ever. It's the type of game you want to master, the kind you want to play until you TKO every fighter in round one. I just played this last week on my computer, and I'll bet I'll still be playing ten years.

Given the timeframe, the graphics, sound, and control are all the aces.

Drawbacks? Sadly, they couldn't recreate the announcer from the arcade screaming "Body blow! Body blow!"

Personal memories:

Let's go by this one by one.

Glass Joe: Sissy Frenchman. I actually lost to him the first time I played it. Really.
Von Kaiser: Nazi fighter who wears pants in the ring for some reason. I love beating the piss out of him.
Piston Honda: Amazingly, Honda was a black man in the original arcade game, and was changed to Japanese for the NES version. He'll give you a TKO from Tokyo!
Don Flamenco: Foppish Spainard. Everyone knew the trick of alternating A B uppercuts. I could beat him with my eyes closed.
King Hippo: 'Nuff said.
Great Tiger: Mystical Indian. Same body type as Von Kaiser, also wears pants. I could beat this man's ass before he even got to the Tiger Punch.
Bald Bull: Scary Turk. Took me forever to master countering the Bull Charge.
Piston Honda: Yes, again, and he's only slightly more difficult.
Soda Popinksi: Original name for the character: Vodka Drunkinski. Someone thought this may not be appropriate for children. I weird fighter that didn't have any special tricks, but his did wear pink underwear and had a neat little song.
Bald Bull: The "you have to use a star to knock him down" trick was EVIL.
Don Flamenco: Why was he ranked over Bald Bull? Never figured that out. He's only slightly trickier this time around.
Mr. Sandman: EVIL. Scariest fighter in the game. Beware the Razor Uppercut. I remember my dad telling me "hit him in the gut," which is the key to getting anywhere.
Super Macho Man: Same body type as Soda Popinski. Some people think he's tough - I can TKO him in the first round without taking a punch.
Mike Tyson: One of the all time great NES challenges - it took me six years to beat Iron Mike. 'Nuff said.

Coming up: Hike!

2006-01-19T15:15:00.000-05:00

Sorry I was gone for so long. I started a new job and didn't have the time to update. Hopefully I can work on the blog with something resembling regularity now.

#4 Super Mario Brothers 3 (NES - 1989)

What it’s about: Come on, you know. King Koopa has kidnapped the Princess, and you, courageous plumber Mario (or Luigi), have to rescue her. Well, there’s a bit more this time, as Koops has stolen seven magic wands and given them to his kids, each of whom have taken over seven different areas, each with their own characteristic (Grass World, Water World, Plant World, etc.)

Why it’s here: After a strange detour in Super Mario Brothers 2 (where you fought a big frog in Dream Land), SMB3 brings the franchise back to basics while at the same time pushing the boundaries of what you could do in an NES game farther than anyone could have thought. Seriously, if I listed everything innovative and/or cool about this game, I would be here all day. Just as a sample, there’s raccoon tail flying (handled perfectly), the warp whistles, the airships, pipe elevators that go up, the Hammer brothers suit, the gambling mini-games, the ability to carry items around the board, Chain Chomp, sliding on your ass down a hill, the creepy music in the castles, the joke at the end, that fish that ate you whole in World 3, and most importantly, Kuribo’s Shoe.

Downsides: Maybe the final battle was a little anticlimactic, but beyond that, not a goddam thing.

Memories: Tracking down a copy of this at an old store called the Fair and playing it for about 10 hours that day. Finally beating it on the fourth of July, maybe 1990? Watching some guy beat the game online in like 11 minutes.

Next: the only convicted rapist on this list (I hope).

2006-01-06T15:30:00.000-05:00

And we’re back. Happy New Year, all.

#5 Grand Theft Auto III (PC – 2002)

What it’s about: You, as the main character (unnamed, and you never say a word through the whole game) are left for dead after your partners turn on you during a robbery. The police van escorting you to prison crashes, leaving you loose in the fictional burg of Liberty City. Now you work your way up the ranks of crime, dealing with the Mob, the Yakuza, a crooked cop, and plenty of gangs, and maybe get some revenge on your ex-partners.

Why it’s here: God, where to start? This game totally blew me away when I picked it up on the PC (didn’t have a Playstation then, and got so used to the controls I picked up the sequels on the PC as well, even after buying a PS2).

GTA III created its own interactive world. You hear that a lot with game, but Liberty City was a real place. Time would pass and it would be day or night, depending on the time. It could rain or be a sunny day, and the weather would affect your driving. Liberty City was filled with traffic lights, bad drivers, and pedestrians walking the streets (and streetwalkers too). If you pissed off a gang and wandered into their territory, they would open fire on you. You could listen to different radio stations, complete with DJ’s, or load your own MP3’s. Punch a cop and your wanted level goes up.

Missions vary from beating up pushers, planting car bombs, assassinations, car theft, and so much more, each mission different from the last. You can also collect special tokens throughout the city, try to pull off special jumps, and race obstacle courses. This isn’t a game you beat in a weekend.

If you didn’t feel like committing crimes, you could just hop in your car and explore the city and try to do crazy tricks with your car. Or you can create mayhem and just open fire into a crowd of people and see how long you can avoid the SWAT teams (I would spend hours doing this).

Downsides? Not much. There were a few minor problems they improved a few things in the later sequels (letting you swim, adding better music, importing well known actors for the various characters), but the game is pretty flawless.

Personal memories: Playing the game for the first time. Finally beating El Burro’s race after a thousand tries.

Next: The most popular video game character ever.

2005-12-28T15:28:00.000-05:00

Hope everyone had a nice Christmas, and got as much loot as I did (electric blanket~!). Back to the countdown.

#6 Baseball Stars (NES - 1989)

What it’s about: Duh, it’s baseball. No MLB license, just a variety of wacky made-up teams. You can play as the Lovely Ladies or SNK Crushers, or make up your own team and boost their stats through winning. There’s also a season mode, where you can play up to five other teams in a 125 game season, plus there’s stat tracking in all the big categories.

Why it’s here: The mechanics. I’ve touched on this before, but Baseball Stars feels like baseball more than any other NES game. RBI baseball, while fondly remembered, had terrible fielding (I wish I had a nickel for every dribbler that turned into a triple). Bases Loaded has an enormous field, plus the hitting was very awkward. Baseball Stars basically stole the RBI control setup and improved the fielding, allowing you to dive or jump for line drives. The field is just the right size, too, so you can cover a lot of ground in the field but the ball can find gaps as well.

Building your own team is very addicting – with every win, you get a certain amount of money to boost stats. Boosted stats make your team better, which means more wins, which means more money, which means even bigger stats. It’s a vicious cycle.

The stat tracking was big - it was the first time any stats were tracked on the NES. It wasn’t perfect (you could see each player’s average and home runs, but RBI’s were only tracked for the top ten league leaders), but it was something.

The game also included the mercy rule, where if an inning ended with one team up by 10 or more runs, they automatically won. It made it easy to play a bunch of games in a short amount of time.

Downsides? No MLB license. That's about it.

Personal memories: Getting this for Christmas ’89 and spending the winter building the Hot Rods. When that team got erased, I built an even better team (the name escapes me, it was probably lame) that was ridiculously jacked. Through a 125 game season, no one hit below .600. My top player had 100 home runs and 200+ RBI’s.

Getting the ROM on my computer like two years ago and playing it regularly since. This is a game that came out over fifteen years ago, by the way. If someone could make a Baseball Stars ROM with modern day MLB players, I would crap my pants.

Next: Crime pays.

2005-12-21T12:06:00.000-05:00

#7 Fire Pro D (Dreamcast)

What it's about: More wrestling! Only this one was made in Japan by a Japanese company (Spike) for a Japanese audience, and unsurprisingly, focuses on the various Japanese companies (although due to loose Japan copyright rules, there are quite a few Americans in the game)

Why it's here: As I alluded to in the previous post, making a good wrestling game is hard. With football or baseball games, it's not hard to match up the mechanics of what happens on the field to video game controls. But how do you present a fake sport as an actual athletic contest? As the legion of truly shitty wrestling games will tell you, it ain’t easy. Well, the Fire Pro series, which has remained largely unchanged since the early 90's, gets it right. The grapple system is easy to pick up, and built in a way to make a match more authentic (you have to start with lower impact moves and build your way up to bigger moves). There's a ton of wrestlers, moves, arenas, and match types. There was also a program for a while where Spike would create new moves and put them on the internet, so you could download them. An amazing cool deal that helped keep the game up to date.

Downsides? Yeah, the 2-D graphics are a little outdated these days, but it does allow you to fit more wrestlers on the screen in the form of 8-man tags and battle royals. It's also in Japanese, but it was made for Japan, so I can't really ding it for that. The storyline mode is just "you have to beat everyone else," but that's still fun.

Personal Memories: Buying a Dreamcast just to play this game (granted, the system was only $50 at the time). Spending most of the winter of 2001 playing this game. Finally beating Dynamite Kid after about 8 tries.

I actually have Fire Pro Returns for the PS2, but since it just came out it didn't feel right putting it on the list right now. Maybe in a few years.

Next: we hit the national pastime...

2005-12-15T17:07:00.000-05:00

#8 WWF Wrestlefest (Arcade - 1991)

What it's about: Pick from WWF stars Hulk Hogan, Ultimate Warrior, Earthquake, Sgt. Slaughter, Jake "The Snake" Roberts, "The Million Dollar Man" Ted Dibiase, Mr. Perfect, Big Bossman, and Smash and Crush of Demolition and challenge for the Legion of Doom's tag belts or go solo and try to win the Royal Rumble. And yes, I remembered the whole roster off the top of my head.

Why it's here: Wrestling games for the NES were pretty terrible back in the late 80's early 90's. Actually, I take that back - there were some great wrestling games (Pro Wrestling and Tecmo World Wrestling). WWF games were uniformly terrible, especially Wresltemania, one of the most dissapointing rentals of my life.

No, for a quality WWF experience you had to go the arcade. There was a previous game, WWF Superstars that came out a few years earlier, but Wrestlefest was a huge step forward - more wrestlers, more moves, more options, and even some low grade announcing ("Mr. Perfect...climbs to the top rope.")

Whoever worked on this did their homework - everyone had almost all of their signature moves (Hogan had the big boot and legdrop, Warrior did the flying tackle, gorilla press, and running splash). Sgt. Slaughter even had his Atomic Noogie~~!!!

The characters were large and detailed, a marked improvement over WWF Superstars. The control scheme was really genius, in my opinion. Remember, this was an arcade game, so things had to be kept simple. You had two buttons to tap when you locked up. If you hit one, you would do a move (and the move varied on how much damage was done) or you threw the guy into the ropes. One button was a punch, the other made you run. After 30 seconds of gameplay you knew what you were doing.

Downsides? For some reason, the computer could taunt and you couldn't. Plus the cage match was lame, as all you could do was ram a guy into the steel. Plus, why wasn't Demolition the final tag team? Who wouldn't rather play as L.O.D.? The game could be cheap as hell, too, but it was an arcade game, and arcade games are designed to seprate you from your quarters.

Personal memories: God, where to start?

I remember the summer of '91 when my friend Andy and I were in the arcade (we went in the morning so we had our choice of games). We planned on beating WWF Superstars by teaming up as Hogan and Warrior, but something got fucked up. He wanted to try again, but I decided to roam along the arcade until I came across Wrestlefest. Needless to say, if we had $500 worth of quarters we would have spent evey last dime that day.

There was the time I demolished three other guys in a trash talk filled Royal Rumble with the Warrior. And the time I sat on a bunch of guys with Earthquake.

The day I downloaded the ROM may have been the happiest of my life. Wrestlefest on my computer, for free? What a world.

By the way, we're not done with wrestling games. Not even close. Sorry.

2005-12-13T15:09:00.000-05:00

The Shadow counts 'em doooown.

#9 Starfox 64

What it's about: Giant monkey head General Andross has invaded the Lilac system again (how do I remember this stuff?) in this sequel to the SNES hit. You, as Fox McCloud, must lead your team of animal fighter pilots through a variety of missions.

Why it's here: I had played the SNES version, which seemed like a good idea but the Super Nintendo just didn't have the technology to pull it off. No such problems on the beefed up N64 - the animation is smooth as silk, the backgrounds are gorgeous, and the characters show a lot of well, character, and actually speak (including the hyper-annoying Slippy the toad, which is one of the few downsides).

But the controls are the key - Starfox 64 boasts the best controls of any video game I've ever played. Steering is fluid and responsive, simple enough to pick up but with just enough tricks (barrell rolls, loops) to make things interesting.

The missions are fairly varied (they added a tank and submarine level), plus you can take several different routes to complete the game. There are a million cool touches, from your evil counterpart Star Wolf to the ID4 level to the ending if you make it through the hard way. Plus the tank level where you attack the train is one of my favorite gaming experiences ever.

Downsides? Besides Slippy the Toad, there is the fact that game isn't very hard, and you wish it was longer. But for a game like this to have the replay value it does says a lot.

Not for nothing, this game also included the "Rumble Pack," which caused your controller to shake if you took a hit. It's a standard feature on the PS2, but this was the first to explore that technology. Warrants a mention.

Personal memories: Playing the hell out of this game in college when I got an N64. I never even owned my own copy - I think I just borrowed Ken Heffernan's and never returned it. Sorry Ken. There was also the time I shattered Dan Dancause's high score by 100+ points. Eat it bitch.

2005-12-05T17:15:00.000-05:00

Long time no post. Let's do something special for December. Let's do...the ten greatest video games of all time as chosen by me.

Note: I was a pretty big video game geek but I've probably played .0001% of the video games released through the years. So I'm woefully unqualified to make these decisions, but what can you do?

#10 Street Fighter II: The World Warrior (Arcade)

What it's about: 8 weirdoes from around the planet fight each other. Beat the other weirdoes, and you fight four boss weirdoes, including a Mike Tyson clone and a Spanish ninja.

Why it's on the list: Maybe the most influential game of the past 15 years. Seriously, how many fighting games owe pretty much everything to SFII - a hundred? Two hundred?

Beyond influence, it's just a phenomally fun game, especially playing against another person (the trash talk potential was through the roof). The characters were all interesting, and the controls were easy enough to get into, but complex enough that they took time to master. Everyone reading this probably got their ass kicked by that guy who was just a little too good with Ken or Ryu.

Personal memories: The first time I ever beat another human being. Once I got the hang of Chun Li's headstomp, I managed to beat this other guy with just a sliver of energy left in front of about 15 people at Playoff Arcade. Then I played my friend Sean, who I'm pretty sure let me beat him, just so I could have a winning streak (still one of the nicest things anyone's ever done for me).

Later on I kicked this guy's ass five straight times with E. Honda.

There's was also the movie, which was ridiculous for two reasons:

1. They took out the street fighting, making it into a wacky adventure movie.
2. They cast Raul Julia as M. Bison, the main bad guy and supposed baddest man on the planet. Yes, Raul Julia's last screen appearance was getting beat up by Jean Claude Van-Damme.

2005-11-15T15:14:00.000-05:00

Eddie Guerrero's life story would have made a hell of a movie. He thrived in the wrestling business despite his diminutive size, becoming arguably the top performer of the 1990's and early 2000's. Then a car accident nearly ended his life in 1998, and even though he survived he found himself addicted to pain killers and much worse. The addictions got worse and they ended up costing him his job with the WWE in 2001.

Eddie was at rock bottom then, forced to work small shows in armories in front of maybe a few hundred people on a good night, when previously he worked before thounsands live and millions more on television.

But we kept hearing good things, that Eddie had cleaned himself up and was working hard. Then he got the most precious gift in the world: a second chance. He got another shot with the WWE, and he made the most of it. Even though he was never positioned as a top guy, the crowds kept cheering him like one. The momentum kept building, and then, in February 2004 he defeated Brock Lesnar to win the WWE Title. He had clawed his way from the bottom of the barrel all the way to the top of his profession. Fade to black, roll credits.

Sadly, life is not a movie. Eddie Guerrero was found dead in his Minneapolis hotel room by his newphew Chavo on Sunday. He was only 38.

The autopsy results came out today, saying the cause of death was heart failure,
so all the damage Eddie did to his body finally caught up with him. And given that Eddie worked so hard to clean himself up (his greatest accomplishment by far), it just doesn't seem fair.

Real grief should be reserved for those who knew Eddie personally (I've personally never been within a hundred feet of him). But after watching the man nearly every week on TV for a decade, and hearing of his travails outside the ring, you can't help but feel a connection to the man. I have a million memories of Eddie, from great matches to funny interviewed to him standing in the middle of Madison Square Garden with Chris Benoit to close out Wrestlemania XX.

It's sad that wrestling fans won't get to see him perform anymore. But the ultimate tragedy is that three little girls will have to grow up without a father, a family is missing a son, a brother, an uncle, and an ex-husband, and a respected, well-liked, and phenomally talented man was taken from the Earth well before his time.

2005-11-11T11:57:00.000-05:00

Here's a fun idea - go through your iPod and, for each letter, list the first song that shows up alphabetically. It's actually a pretty good summary of my musical tastes. I got the idea from the blog of Dr. Frank of the Mr. T Experience, who curiously shows up five times on the list.

A Praise Chorus - Jimmy Eat World
Ba Ba Ba Ba Ba - Mr. T Experience
Can't Get There From Here - Mr. T Experience [R.E.M. cover]
D. Boon - Uncle Tupelo
Effigy - Uncle Tupelo [CCR cover]
F.O.D. - Green Day
Garden Grove - Sublime
Hang Up - Parasites
I'd Do Anything For You - Mr. T Experience
J Church Sucks - J Church
K Street [live] - The Fastbacks
Last One Out of Liberty City - Less Than Jake
Major Leagues - Pavement
Name - Rancid
O Girlfriend - Weezer
Paper Lanterns - Green Day
Queen For a Day - Dance Hall Crashers
Racist Society - Screeching Weasel
Sackcloth & Ashes - Mr. T Experience
T-Shirt Commercial - Mr. T Experience
U Not Like Me - 50 Cent
Van Horne - Chixdiggit
W. Texas Teardrops - Old 97's
X-Ray Specs - The Lillingtons
Yeah, Well, Whatever - The Queers
Z - er, don't have a song that starts with "Z" yet.

2005-11-08T16:04:00.000-05:00

Oops.

Well, on the plus side I did end up winning $50 in the football pool. It came down to overall points - I picked 59 and the final total was 61, so I was closest. I think the Football Gods smiled down at me for standing by my team.

2005-11-07T16:25:00.000-05:00

I've had a pretty tough time this year in the office football pool. Lots of 10-4, 9-5, and even a craptacular 6-8 week. Just when I thought I lost my mojo, I rattle off an 12-1 record so far this week, with the Monday Night game left to be played (the only loss came when I picked against the Lions - I don't think I've gotten a Detroit game right this season). Unfortunately, everyone one else had a great week as well, so there's a potential six way tie.

Of the six, four of them picked the Colts, while I and another co-worker went with the Pats. It's always been a condundrum, picking for or against your team in the pool. On the one hand, if you pick against your team, you feel guilty because you're secretly wishing them to do poorly. But if you pick for them, you may just be setting yourself up for a fall if they're overmatched.

Of course, as a Pats fan, this really hasn't been a problem the past few years. When your team goes 14-2 you very rarely feel conflicted about picking them. Not this year - injuries combined with a grueling schedule have the Pats at 4-3 through their first 7 games (they only lost 2 games all of last year). Now the 7-0 Colts come to down, rested, healthy, and seemingly clicking on all cylinders. They're four point favorites, and let's face it, if they're ever going to win in Foxboro, it's going to be now.

Lot of people seem to think this way - lots of folks picked against the Pats this week. Not me. I picked the Pats for two reasons.

1. Dwight Freeney's appearance on PTI this week, where he said "Even if the Pats beat us, it doesn't mean we're guaranteed to meet them in the playoffs." Translation: We're scared shitless of this team and there's no way we can win.

2. I never bet against my team. One of my cardinal rules (I have a bunch - I should write them down at some point). This team's been good to me, I'll be good to them.

Pats 31, Colts 28, Joe is $50 richer.

2005-10-28T10:47:00.000-04:00

Forgot to mention this, but we passed 3,000 hits for the blog last weekend. Granted, some of the larger blogs can rack up 3,000 hits in an hour, but for my own little corner of the internet I'll take it. Thanks to everyone that's visited, by accident or, God help us, on purpose.

2005-10-27T11:40:00.000-04:00

Well, the Sox won the World Series. It just wasn't the Sox I was hoping for.

Still, I'm happy for White Sox fans. They've always been the ignored little brother to the Cubs and Red Sox in the "haven't won a World Series in forever" family. But it's always nice to see people so genuinely happy. And the Chi Sox seem like an OK group of guys (except maybe the legitimately insane Carl Everret, but hell, I'll let bygones be bygones).

Even though it was a sweep, these were four very well played games (average margin of victory: 1.25 runs). Too bad no one watched; this may go down as the least watched World Series of all time. I guess Chicago vs. Houston just wasn't a marquee matchup like, say, Yankees vs. Cardinals or something like that.

And man, how much does it suck to be a Cubs Fan right now?

2005-10-20T13:31:00.000-04:00

Long time no update.

I'll just talk about music.

I bought my one rap album for 2005, with Kanye West's Late Registration getting the nod. I like rap songs about topics others than guns, drugs, and ho's, and Kanye's not afraid to write about his grandmother in the hospital or how cool his life is right now. He can have some, er, curious ideas, but the beats are all great, and it's almost pop-rap, although much more the latter than the former. I like the bear motif on the cover, much better than the standard "rapper making a mean face" that pretty much everyone else uses.

The only bootleg I own is a Green Day show from 1994 (about 3 months after Dookie came out). The sound is a little thin, but it's fun recap of a band just before they hit it big. By the way, the bootleg industry (such as it is) really took a tumble, didn't it? With the internet making it easy to share shows and bands releasing live versions of pretty much every show, there's isn't much need for it.

Hear me out: The Goo Goo Dolls "A Boy Named Goo" still holds up really well. They totally fell off a cliff afterwards.

Another update coming soon.

2005-09-16T16:12:00.000-04:00

My two week vacation starts in about an hour. Things I plan to do during this span:

1. Watch Hogan's Heroes: Season 1 on DVD
2. Modify my PS2 to play Japanese video games
3. Travel to Chicago
4. Meet Bill Simmons

Much much more later.

2005-09-08T12:17:00.000-04:00

Are you ready for some football?

I am. NFL kicks off tonight with the Raiders coming to Gillette to take on the defending Super Bowl Champion New England Patriots.

Lots of changes this year, with Charlie Weis and Romeo Crenel exiting as offensive and defensive coordinators, Ty Law now on the Jets, Teddy Bruschi out for the season and maybe forever, and Ted Johnson's sudden retirement. Plus we have by far the most difficult schedule in the league, playing every AFC playoff team from last year.

My official prediction: 11-5, winning the AFC East as the #3 seed, where they go on to win their third straight SB. I could be wrong, and if so, so be it. Crap, I've seen three Super Bowls the last four years. Everything else is cake now.

By the way, the Jets' Jonathon Vilma was on the Budweiser Hot Seat yesterday. Asked the Patriots' odds of repeating as Super Bowl Champs, he responded "A billion to one."

Yes, a billion to one. According to Mr. Vilma, the defending Super Bowl champions have as much chance winning the Super Bowl as you do of winning the lottery while getting hit by lightning.

Two reactions:

1. Can I make a $5 wager with you, Mr. Vilma?
2. You think a soundbite of that statement won't be looped over and over in the Patriots' locker room when they play the Jets? Think again.

2005-09-02T13:03:00.000-04:00

I went through a hurricane once. Hurricane Gloria hit Massachusetts in 1985, when I was 8 years old. I remember being pretty scared that our house would get flattened and I'd squished by a flying oil tanker running for cover. That didn't happen of course--as far as hurricanes go, Gloria was rather weak. We had a large tree knocked down in the backyard, but beyond that, no property damage and no one was hurt. But I still remember how scared I was crouching in the basement.

Hurricane Katrina hit New Orleans this week. I think everyone underestimated what happened--we all knew there would be flooding, property damage, and loss of life. But looking at the news no one could have predicted this.

New Orleans is gone. It may take years to rebuild. They may never recover. If you lived in New Orleans, everything you had--home, possessions, maybe even family--is gone. Now looting and violence has broken out. I saw a picture today of a dead body just floating in a flooded area. It's like Armageddon playing out in one pocket of the world.

Anything we do seems so meager. Even if I sold my possessions and gave every dime I had, it's like trying to remove sand from a beach and taking three grains.

That doesn't mean you shouldn't give--give til it hurts, food, money, blood, clothes. A little hope and a prayer would be nice too.

Click here to find out how you can help.

2005-08-30T13:41:00.000-04:00

Geez, I stink. Here's a phatass update.

--I finished Harry Potter & The Order of the Phoenix. The nice thing about being a book behind is that I could pick this up in paperback (and save 10-20 dollars), plus now I can dive right into HP & The Half Blood Prince with no pesky waiting.

The bad thing is that it's been so long since I read a HP book, and these things are so continuity heavy, I have a hard time remembering who Viktor Krum or Firenze were.

As far as HP&TOOTP, it was hard to get through at first since Harry just got shit on so much. It should have just been called Harry Potter Gets Shit On. Things definitely picked up, and I really had a hard time putting the book down for the last 200 pages or so.

--Check out this link, which compares every Major League baseball team to a Simpsons
character. Shame on you if you can't guess who the Yankees are.

--I think I'm finally taking the iPod plunge this week.

--There's nothing like picking up Tiger Woods 2004 for the first time in a year and shooting a -20 round at Spyglass Hill.

--I don't know what to make of this whole Mark Bellhorn deal. The guy hit home runs in three straight playoff game, including the game winner (the one that made this huge KLANG as it hit Pesky's Pole) in game 1 of the World Series. But he's been awful this year. Just God awful. He's hitting .216 with 8 homers and 29 RBI, plus he struck out 109 times in 283 at bats. So roughly every five official at bats he struck out twice. Now he's going to the Yankees. I don't know how to feel, other than sorry for the Yankees.

2005-08-10T20:56:00.000-04:00

What rules: Being on vacation
What sucks: Roofer starting their job at 8:00 on your condo in the morning.

Watched Anchorman today. Pretty funny. More later.

2005-08-04T13:04:00.000-04:00

You've probably heard the flap about the "Hot Coffee" feature in Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas, a downloadable patch that opens some, dare we say, graphic intercourse scenes.

The fallout is predictable, including this story from GTA-SanAndreas.com (an invaluable site, btw)

"An 85-year-old grandmother is suing Rockstar Games and Take Two Interactive Software Inc. for including the hidden codes in the then M rated game that she had bought for her 14-year-old grandson."

Right. By the way, here's what my last four missions entailed.

--Burning a field full of pot with a flamethrower, shooting down a police helicopter with a missle laucher, and making a getaway in a van filled with three tons of marijuana (not driven by Nate Newton, however).
--Driving around and picking people up (OK, bad example, but I did run over some pedestrians).
--Demolishing a contruction site and burying the foreman (trapped in a Port-O-Potty) in concrete.
--Killing a valet, stealing his uniform, using it to plant weed in a D.A.'s car, then calling the cops

But a sex scene? To quote Mrs. Lovejoy, why won't anyone think of the children?

Anyway, I'm thankfully through the Countryside missions and on to San Fierro. That "Wu Zi Mu" race took about ten tries before I got it right, but the next race (Farewell My Love) I nailed on the first try. Go figure. Love the continuity of having Claude, the main character from GTA III make an appearance. And true to form, he doesn't speak a word.

2005-08-03T16:54:00.000-04:00

It was a terrifying couple of weeks here in Red Sox Nation as rumors swelled of Manny Ramirez possible being traded. Manny had been ripped in the press lately for not running out ground balls and refusing to play on a scheduled day off when the team was shorthanded (Trot Nixon having sustained an injury the day before). I found the latter inexcusable, and actually found myself wondering if maybe we should trade Manny. That strain of thought lasted about six seconds.

Yeah, Manny can be a pain in the ass and a liability in the field (although he somehow leads the AL in outfield assists), but damn, he's leading the AL in RBI and is tied for the lead in home runs. How do you replace that kind of productivity? You don't. At least, not with the trades that were being offered.

[Was anyone else upset the Devil Rays were asking for so much? Who the hell are they to demand anything--they're the Devil Rays for god's sake]

So Manny stayed a Red Sock. And wouldn't you know it, he pinch hit in a tie game Sunday against the Twins with the score tied 3-3 and men on first and second. And he got a hit. Not only did he get a hit, you knew he was going to get a hit, even when he fell behind 0-2. It just had to happen. So yes, all's well that ends well. But I leave you with a theory. The turning point of last season was the famed Varitek/A-Rod brawl, when the Sox came back to win the game. That became a rallying point and after the Nomar trade the Sox caught fire.

Last Tuesday Matt Clement was bonked in the head and carted off the field, and the Sox won a grueling game against the Devil Rays 10-9 in extra innings, where they really came together as a team.

The A-Rod incident happened 7/24/2004. The D-Rays game was almost a year to the date later, 7/26/2004. Oh, and the Red Sox are 5-0 since that game. Hmmmm...

2005-07-22T13:11:00.000-04:00

Joe's One Man Book Club:

I finished Dan Brown's Digitial Fortress. Brown is, of course, the author of the mega blockbuster The Da Vinci Code, which I have not read. I've heard that it's interesting but a little overdone as a thriller (others have been much less kind). I found a used copy of Digitial Fortress for 3 bucks, and the subject matter looked much more interesting than Da Vinci.

Basically, it's a nice quick summer beach read. It's really two stories in one: an espionage story set in Spain, the other concerning code breakers for the US government running into what appears to be an unbreakable code.

The twists are fairly predicatble, but everything does make sense in the end. The characters and dialogue are fairly flat. I will give Brown credit--there's a lot of technical jargon but it doesn't bog down the book, not like it did in, say, Airframe.

It's not high art, but it doesn't want to be, so you can't penalize it in that regard. However, there's a really interesting question of whether it's OK to invade people's home computers and e-mail in the sake of national security that unfortunately gets completely glossed over in the name of plot.

Currently reading Franklin & Winston, a history of Roosevelt and Chruchill's relationship during WWII. I was looking for something to read after the attacks on England and came across this. Very interesting so far, and a reminder that towering leaders can also be deeply flawed men.

When I was in Barnes & Noble last Friday, there was almost a stampede of people getting braclets so they could be first in line for the new Harry Potter book. I'm so behind I never read Order of the Phoenix. Maybe I'll read that next and hopefully when I'm done I'll be able to track down whatever #6 is called with relative ease.

2005-07-18T15:03:00.000-04:00

I finally picked up Rancid's Indestructible last week. Even though Rancid's one of my favorite bands I kind of slept on this one when it came out in 2003, probably because I wasn't jazzed with 2000's self title album. The knock on Rancid is that they rip off the Clash, so with Rancid they put out their version of an early 80's LA hardcore record. It's fast, it's loud, but the songs weren't really catchy. Sure, they proved they don't have to sound like the Clash, but it also didn't play to their strengths.

Well, I listened to Indestructible and I'm kicking myself for not getting this two years ago. It's classic Rancid, punk and ska and snotty and catchy as hell. Maybe their second best album? Maybe. Ask me again in an hour.

It's a lot more introspective than previous Rancid albums (dare I say mature), probably because Tim Armstrong's wife left him while they were making the record. Sad for him, great for us since we got "Tropical London," a simply fantastic kiss-off song. Some of the songwriting gets a little goofy at times, like with a song about the homeless called "Stand Your Ground," but "Fall Back Down," "Red Hot Moon," and "Born Frustrated" is up there with some of their best stuff.

It's a little long at 19 songs and 52 minutes, but hell, every Rancid album could stand a little trimming (even ...and Out Come The Wolves, one of my top five favorite albums of all time, could have lost a few songs at the end), but really, it flows the best out of any Rancid disk. Good shit.

2005-07-11T16:18:00.000-04:00

Wow, two weeks without an update. Unnacceptable.

Everything's just been...busy lately. Work, personal life, you name it.

No Cyber Sox update for a while, because I've moved on to my new obsession. Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas for the PC. Even though I own a PS2 I always get GTA games on PC, since that's how I first played GTA III three years ago, (didn't have the PS2 then) so I figure, why change? Even if it does mean waiting the better part of a year after the game is released on Playstation.

Whereas GTA III and Vice City had more of a mafia feel (especially III), San Andreas
goes head on into gang life. As CJ, member of the Grove Street Soliders you engage in such pastimes as tagging your turf and gunning down rival gang members. The "N word" gets tossed around a lot and there's a gang member who looks just like Eazy E.

The set-up is pretty much the same as the last two outings, although this time you can jump over walls and swim. The last one is key. In GTA III and Vice City, if you fell into a lake, you died. This time you can at least swim to shore.

You can also cutomize CJ's hair, clothes, and body (by working out in the gym). As for hair, I gave CJ the Jules Winnfield Memorial Afro and beard. Also appropriate since Samuel L. Jackson voices the character of Officer Tenpenny.

One of the hallmarks of the GTA franchise are the numerous fake radio stations you can play. San Andreas (which takes place in 1992) may be the best of the bunch. The hard rock station has Living Colour, Alice in Chains, L7, Guns n' Roses, Faith No More, Soundgarden, and some others I'm forgetting. Plus they have stations for new rap (well, new in '92), classic rap, classic rock (!), and country (!!). Plus the PC has the advantage of allowing you to pre-load your own MP3's.

This game is hard though. I'm still only about 15 or so missions in and some of them have given me fits. "Sweet's Girl," "Robbing Uncle Sam," and even the one where you bounce the car have made me want to throw my computer out the window. Thankfully I've cleared them all without cheating. But now I've got the stupid street race, which will surely reduce me to tears by week's end.

2005-06-24T12:10:00.000-04:00

I've been watching a lot of M*A*S*H recently. The Hallmark Channel runs four episodes each weekday, from 5-7 PM and repeating the block from 11-1 AM. M*A*S*H was, of course, about the adventures of the 4077th mobile army surgical hosptial during the Korean War (and from the show, Korea apparently resembles a California State Park.)

M*A*S*H was an odd show. During it's 11 year run, it started as a dark comedy with dramatic overtones, and over the years the drama side kept creeping higher until it overwhelmed the show at the end.

(Not that drama itself is a bad thing. Let's face it, war and hospitals are two of the most dramatic settings possible, never mind combining the two. I would even argue the change in tone was somewhat necessary to the show--as much fun as the earlier slapstick episodes where, how long could you really go that route? Let's face it, Frank Burns is a somewhat one-note character. The issue is that by the end it wasn't *good* drama. The show just thumped you over the head with a "war is bad" message until you threw your hands up.)

Hallmark is currently cycling through the fourth season, so you should still tune in (season eight is generally regarded as the big drop off point). Unfortunately, if you're tuning in now you missed out on the first three seasons with Henry Blake (McLean Stevenson) and Trapper John (Wayne Rogers).

Blake's final episode is still a huge stomach punch when you watch it today. Basically, Henry finds out he's going home, and the whole episode is basically one big party. Then we find out in the last scene that his plane was shot down over the sea of Japan, spun out, and there were no survivors. It still hurts watching it today, I can't imagine seeing it when it first aired 30 years ago.

Stevenson's starred in a series of flops like "Hello Larry" and "Condo," making his decision to leave the show the worst career decision ever until David Caruso came around.

Rogers also left after season three and had to be abruptly written out of the show. Curiously, the character of Trapper was ressurected a few years (played by a different actor) later in a drama (?), called "Trapper John MD." To complicate matters, Wayne Rogers was simultaneously playing a Trapper John-esque character on a show called "House Calls."

Just make sure you turn off the TV if "Bless You Hawkeye" is on. Maybe my least favorite half-hour of television ever.

2005-06-22T16:33:00.000-04:00

And here's a double shot to close out our look at the 90's:

Disc Six:
01 "Wonderwall" - Oasis (Ah, Oasis’ big breakthrough. The wheels came off pretty quick for them, but they were still one of the best live shows I ever saw in ’96.)
02 "Birthday Cake" - Cibo Matto (Everyone used to talk about this band. Then I listened to a tape of their stuff. It sucked.)
03 "Cumbersome" - Seven Mary Three (Bad bar band that somehow had a hit, and were never heard from again.)
04 "One of Us" - Joan Osborne (Hmmm, what if God was one of us? Would he know what the hell happened to Joan Osbourne?)
05 "Caught by the Fuzz" - Supergrass (Another greatly underappreciated band. I listened to "In It For The Money" a million times in the summer of '97.)
06 "Sweet 69" - Babes In Toyland (Not my thing.)
07 "Breakfast at Tiffany's" - Deep Blue Something (Crappy one-hit wonder.)
08 "Photograph" - The Verve Pipe (Thank god they didn't put "The Freshman" on here. This song's not that bad, really.)
09 "In the Meantime" - Spacehog (Great song, good band that shouldn't have faded like they did.)
10 "Woo Hah!! Got You All In Check" - Busta Rhymes (A shame Busta turned into a self-parody of himself so quickly — he had some good songs there for a while.)
11 "Who Will Save Your Soul" - Jewel (Ah, Jewel in her hippie folk days, before she turned into whatever she is now.)
12 "Standing Outside a Broken Phone Booth With Money In My Hand" - Primitive Radio Gods (OK one-hit-wonder, nothing overly memorable.)
13 "Cybele's Reverie" - Stereolab (Was never into Sterelab, sorry, but I appreciate them being here.)
14 "Capri Pants" - Bikini Kill (Er, riot grrrl stuff was never my thing.)
15 "What I Got" - Sublime (Sublime holds up surprisingly well. I still pull this album out every so often.)
16 "Kung Fu" - Ash (Argh, should have put "Goldeneye" instead. Good track nonetheless.)
17 "Virtual Insanity" - Jamiroquai (The "moving furniture" video. Sounds so much like Stevie Wonder you may as well listen to the real deal.)
18 "Naked Eye" - Luscious Jackson (Pretty much their only song I could stand.)
19 "Outtasite (Outta Mind)" - Wilco (A surprising but welcome addition.)

Disc Seven:
01 "itszoweezee (hot)" - De La Soul (If it ain’t Three Feet High And Rising, I ain’t interested.)
02 "LoveFool" - The Cardigans (Great song. This band should not have been a one-hit-wonder.)
03 "Radiation Vibe" - Fountains Of Wayne (Like the band, not this song though.)
04 "The Impression That I Get" - The Mighty Mighty Bosstones (Big hit for the Bosstones. They had better songs but I still like this.)
05 "Turn It On" - Sleater-Kinney (Never saw the big deal about Sleater-Kinney.)
06 "Bitch" - Meredith Brooks (I remember this. Total chick song.)
07 "MMMBop" - Hanson (You know, we all laughed at this song when it came out. But then came the Backstreet Boys and N Sync and their ilk, and really, Hanson doesn’t seem so bad compared to them, do they?)
08 "Brian Wilson" (live) - Barenaked Ladies (One of the few BNL songs I don’t mind.)
09 "Brick" - Ben Folds Five (A good song, but BF5 tried and tried and never managed to reach the heights of their first album.)
10 "Sex and Candy" - Marcy Playground (I had this song on an old CMJ sampler, and I liked it the first time I heard it. It was sandwiched between two other songs I really liked (Paul K and the Weathermen’s “Slow It Down” and The Phoids “Never Liked You Much Anyway”). Imagine my surprise when Marcy Playground emerged with a leftfield hit.)
11 "Walking on the Sun" - Smash Mouth (Do I have this album? I might.)
12 "Tubthumping" - Chumbawamba (Haven’t heard this in forever. Fun to sing along to.)
13 "6 Underground" - Sneaker Pimps (I know them but don’t remember this song.)
14 "Lullaby" - Shawn Mullins (I don’t know this song. I’m not even sure of the artist’s gender.)
15 "Slide" - Goo Goo Dolls (Let me tell you, I bought a copy of “A Boo Named Goo” well before they had a hit with “Name (I had heard the track “Only One” on WAAF and loved it). That album and it’s faux-Replacements rock holds up well. Every afterwards is poo.)
16 "Kiss Me" - Sixpence None the Richer (BARF.)
17 "Steal My Sunshine" - LEN (A definite guilty pleasure song.)
18 "What It's Like" - Everlast (Don’t care for the song, but the guy from House of Pain reinventing himself as a folkish solo act and having a hit is pretty high on the inexplicable meter.)
19 "Natural Blues" – Moby (There are much better Moby songs to pick.)

The end. Not sure what Rhino was going for here (well, besides songs of the 90's). There's a million ommissions, but even with 70 CD's you'd probably be leaving a lot off.

2005-06-20T16:49:00.000-04:00

Disc Five:
01 "Shine" - Collective Soul (Never cared for them, although they did have better songs than this.)
02 "Far Behind" - Candlebox (Well, if you have to have a Candlebox song it may as well be this one. I actually met them at a Strawberries in town years and years ago. There was a huge line like the Beatles were there or something. I wonder if anyone who was there would fess up or even remember being there? Especially the girl behind us who took naked pictures of herself for the band?)
03 "You Gotta Be" - Des'ree (Chicks dig this song. Go ask one.)
04 "Girl You'll Be a Woman Soon" - Urge Overkill (Another underappreciated band. "Sister Havana" was such a great song and should have been a big hit.)
05 "She Don't Use Jelly" - The Flaming Lips (Who would have thought this band would turn into one of the most respected and critically praised bands of the 90's/00's?)
06 "m.i.a." - 7 Year Bitch (Another semi-obscure Seattle band!)
07 "21st Century (Digital Boy)" - Bad Religion (Pretty natural choice here, for both the band and the song.)
08 "Sugar Free Jazz" - Soul Coughing (Bleh.)
09 "Mockingbirds" - Grant Lee Buffalo (Never heard this one.)
10 "What's the Frequency Kenneth?" - R.E.M. (I like this song, but there's about twenty better R.E.M. songs from the 90's. This was really the beginning of the end for them too.)
11 "Revolve" - Melvins (Can't place this one--the Melvins output tends to run together to me.)
12 "Buddy Holly" - Weezer (Ah, Weezer. Count me in the camp that thinks the Blue Album was better than Pinkerton.)
13 "Here and Now" - Letters to Cleo (Don't remember this one.)
14 "Good" - Better Than Ezra (I have this album. There are exactly two good songs on it--this one and "In the Blood.")
15 "Run-Around" - Blues Traveler (This song was ubiquitous in the summer of '95. I have no beef with it now.)
16 "I'll Be There for You" (Theme From "Friends") - The Rembrandts (Annoying song from an annoying show.)
17 "Tomorrow" - Silverchair (Ha, remember this? They faded out predictably quick.)
18 "Not a Pretty Girl" - Ani DiFranco (I like a handful of Ani songs. This ain't one of 'em.)
19 "Carnival" - Natalie Merchant (OK if you're a college co-ed. Otherwise, nope.)

2005-06-17T16:43:00.000-04:00

Disc Four:
01 "Thunder Kiss '65" - White Zombie (Heavy on the schtick, but Zombie had some good tunes for a while.)
02 "Whoomp! (There It Is)" - Tag Team (I was going to label this a novelty rap song, but I guess it isn't. I heard this for the first time in a while a few weeks back. Kinda sucks.)
03 "Broken Hearted Savior" - Big Head Todd and the Monsters (Were they a jam band? Name rings a bell, song does not.)
04 "Trust Me" - Guru with N'Dea Davenport (Zuh?)
05 "Here Comes" - Velocity Girl (OK band, not overly memorable.)
06 "Gepetto" - Belly (Never my thing, personally.)
07 "Eye to Eye" - The Muffs (Never knew why they never bigger. The only hit they had was from a Snapple commercial (it wasn't this song--you'd know it if you heard it).)
08 "Gentlemen" - Afghan Whigs (Could never get into the Whigs.)
09 "Leafy Incline" - Tad (TAD!!!!!~~~~~)
10 "Dream All Day" - The Posies (Probably the most underappreciated band of the 90's.)
11 "Hey Jealousy" - Gin Blossoms (I like this song probably a lot more than I should. Gin Blossoms had some good singles back in the day.)
12 "My Sister" - The Juliana Hatfield Three (See #6.)
13 "Whatta Man" - Salt-N-Pepa (I still remember the hook to this one. You saw it in a ton of sports montages around that time.)
14 "Back & Forth" - Aaliyah (Aaliyah's the one that died in a plane crash, right? The only song of hers that I remember is the one where she was dancing in a cave and the song had a bunch of baby noises in it.)
15 "If That's Your Boyfriend (He Wasn't Last Night)" - Me'Shell Ndegéocello (No thanks.)
16 "Freedom of '76" - Ween (Not a big Ween fan.)
17 "Cut Your Hair" - Pavement (I think you could make a solid case for Pavement being the band of the 90's.)
18 "God" - Tori Amos (Never cared much for Ms. Amos since I'm, y'know, a male.)
19 "MMM MMM MMM MMM" - Crash Test Dummies (AWFUL song.)
20 "Possession" - Sarah McLachlan (Whatever happened to her? She was pretty big for a while.)

2005-06-16T13:43:00.000-04:00

Movin' right along...

Disc Three:
01 "Under the Bridge" - Red Hot Chili Peppers (Let me say, Blood Sugar Sex Magik does not hold up at all.)
02 "Unsung" - Helmet (Fantastic song, killer groove. I just stuck this on a mix CD.)
03 "Jump Around" - House Of Pain (I still get a kick out of this song.)
04 "Free Your Mind" - En Vogue (Song's not great, but damn, En Vogue was hot. A better, 90's version of Destiny's Child.)
05 "Rump Shaker" - Wreckx-N-Effect (Ah, here's Wreckx-N-Effect. Probably the #2 song about butts.)
06 "Informer" - Snow (This turned into a punchline almost instantly. A likki-boom-boom down.)
07 "Connected" - Stereo MCs (I've heard this one, not sure if I liked it or not.)
08 "Detachable Penis" - King Missile (Bad novelty song, if you couldn't guess by the title.)
09 "Freak Me" - Silk (Dunno.)
10 "Ordinary World" - Duran Duran (Comeback song for DD. I remember liking it.)
11 "If I Can't Change Your Mind" - Sugar (Ah, sweet Bob Mould.)
12 "Three Little Pigs" - Green Jelly (Novelty song. Sorta funny for maybe two listens. They used to be Green Jello before they got sued.)
13 "Start Choppin" - Dinosaur Jr. (Good choice.)
14 "The Devil's Chasing Me" - The Reverend Horton Heat (I always thought the Reverend was more schtick than musical chops, but that's just me.)
15 "Gone to the Moon" - Fastbacks (Can't hate any boxed set that sneaks the Fastbacks on there. Maybe they're making up for the lack of Nirvana, Pearl Jam, etc, with all these semi-obscure Seattle bands.)
16 "My Name Is Mud" - Primus (Ah, good old Primus. It's hard to believe music as weird as this went platinum several times.)
17 "What's Up" - 4 Non Blondes (Annoying. Surpisingly, Linda Perry lives on as a hitmaker for any young female solo artist.)

2005-06-15T14:34:00.000-04:00

Disc Two:
01 "Silent Lucidity" - Queensryche (QR had much better songs, but this was easily
their biggest hit.)
02 "Into the Drink" - Mudhoney (What, not "Touch Me I'm Sick?")
03 "Girlfriend" - Matthew Sweet (This is a good song and a sizable hit, but the singles from 100% Fun were a lot better.)
04 "I'm Too Sexy" - Right Said Fred (Hugely annoying song, but you probably had to put it here.)
05 "Calling All Angels" - Jane Siberry (with k.d. lang) (Nope, no clue about this one.)
06 "Only Shallow" - My Bloody Valentine (Wow, MBV. Good choice.)
07 "It's a Shame About Ray" - The Lemonheads (I can think of five better Lemonheads songs off the top of my head. This one is perfectly fine, though.)
08 "Baby Got Back" - Sir Mix-A-Lot (In the long catalogeue of rap songs about butts, this surely has to be #1.)
09 "They Want EFX" - DAS EFX (I got them confused with Wreckx-N-Effect, and wondered why they didn't choose "Rmp Shaker." So never mind.)
10 "Jump" - Kris Kross (God, remember this? What happened to these two?)
11 "Walk" - Pantera (Best Pantera song ever. R-V-D! R-V-D!)
12 "N.W.O." - Ministry (I'll always remember when this video was shown on Beavis & Butthead, and Butthead did this hilarious imitation of Al Jourgensen's vocal style.)
13 "Shitlist" - L7 ("Pretend We're Dead" was much better.)
14 "Absynthe" - The Gits (I know the Gits, but not this song.)
15 "Coattail Rider" - Supersuckers (Can't go wrong with the 'suckers.)
16 "Runaway Train" - Soul Asylum (This may have been the most overplayed song of my lifetime.)
17 "Little Miss Can't Be Wrong" - Spin Doctors (Yuck.)
18 "Dizz Knee Land" - dada (Never heard of this one either.)
19 "Nearly Lost You" - Screaming Trees (Great band, great song.)

2005-06-13T21:25:00.000-04:00

Rhino Records has a seven disc best of the 90's set coming out soon. Let's break it down:

>>Disc One:
01 "U Can't Touch This" - MC Hammer (If you were in middle school in 1990 like me, you had a copy of Please Hammer Don’t Hurt ‘Em This theft is “Superfreak” is Grand Theft Audio, but damn is it isn’t effective.)
02 "Nothing Compares 2 U" - Sinead O'Connor (Eh, whatever. If had you asked me back then why Sinead O’Connor’s career would have ended, “tearing up a picture of the Pope on Saturday Night Live” would have been pretty far down the list.)
03 "No Myth" - Michael Penn (Penn had a great single called “Long Way Down” from his follow up album that only I and Michael Penn remember.)
04 "Ladies First" - Queen Latifah (feat. Monie Love) (No recollection of this.)
05 "Ball and Chain" - Social Distortion (Cool, Social D. Good choice.)
06 "Birdhouse in Your Soul" - They Might Be Giants (TMBG can be problematic, but damn is this isn’t one catchy song.)
07 "Chloe Dancer/Crown of Thorns" - Mother Love Bone (Odd to see MLB, but a good song.)
08 "Here's Where the Story Ends" - The Sundays (Huh, never heard this one.)
09 "Gonna Make You Sweat (Everybody Dance Now)" - C & C Music Factory (Remember the controversey when they had some girl "visualize" Martha Walsh's vocals in their video?)
10 "Groove Is in the Heart" - Deee-Lite (Whatever happened to this band? This was a pretty good tune.)
11 "Right Here Right Now" - Jesus Jones (This had to be there. Doesn’t hold up at all.)
12 "New Jack Hustler (Nino's Theme)" - Ice-T (Shoulda been “Colors” or “High Roller” (one of my favorite early rap songs).)
13 "I Touch Myself" - Divinyls (I didn’t really “get” what this song was about when it came out. Hey, leave me alone, I was just a kid.)
14 "Unbelievable" - EMF (This had to be there. Still holds up well.)
15 "Hard To Handle" - The Black Crowes (“Twice As Hard” was a better song, but I won’t begrudge this pick)
16 "O.P.P." - Naughty By Nature (This was really a filthy song, especially for 1991. Great song, though.)
17 "Walking in Memphis" - Marc Cohn (Wow, nice sequencing. This guy sure fell off the earth quick.)
18 "It's So Hard To Say Goodbye to Yesterday" - Boyz II Men (Not my can of Coke, but Boyz II Men sure were huge for a while.)

2005-06-07T22:58:00.000-04:00

Here is an update as big as my heart:

Deaf Comedy Jam: For the past month or so, my ears have felt...weird. Like they were filled full of wax. Except I'd go to town with a Q-tip and I'd still feel clogged. Then about two weeks ago, after the Jersey All Pro Wrestling show, my ears were ringing like I'd sat front row at a Metallica show. This was odd because (a) although they played some music, it wasn't loud, and (b) we weren't sitting anywhere near the speakers.

Then last Wednesday something went seriously wrong with my left ear--everything started sounding all tinny, and if it was someone talking they sounded like a robot. That's bad. It got worse the next day, as I woke up dizzy as hell, unable to stand without leaning on something. It was so bad I had to call in sick (first time in five years).

So I go to the doctor (first time in four years for that) and apparently all the rain the past few months has caused me to be affected by allergies, even though I don't have any. I got some pills and it's starting to clear up, although not as fast as I'd like.

Cyber Sox Update: Edgar Renteria tore his ACL in a game against the Yankees. I loved how the announcers were "Let's hope it's not too serious." Hey geniuses, I think a torn ACL is the dictionary definition of "serious." Then Manny fractured his leg the next game. Awesome.

Stuff only I find funny: I love watching baseball tonight for any mention of the Twins' Jacques Jones. Jacques is a black man from San Diego. That just cracks me up for some reason. He should act like a stereotypical Frenchman: wear a beret with the Twins logo, carry a poodle around, eat Crepes in the dugout, and talk in a whiny French accent: "I vill hit zee ball into the uppah deck." Holy shit that's awesome.

Future stuff: I should be touring Fenway park this Thursday, and also talking about Freakonomics, M*A*S*H, and Lost.

2005-05-30T21:42:00.000-04:00

Happy Memorial Day. This day means a lot to me--I have a long list of military service in my family. Both my grandfathers served in WWII, and my Dad drove a tank in Vietnam. I never had to serve in any of the armed forces, due to the sacrifices of the above three and so many more. I'm grateful for that.

To commemorate the day, here's am mp3 clip of Sam Waterston of Law & Order reading the Gettysburg Address.

2005-05-26T15:44:00.000-04:00

Why do I only update on Thursdays?

--Cyber Sox update: The Giants approach me about a trade for Ray Durham. Mark Bellhorn hasn't been doing a great job (good BA, no speed, no power), so I offer him and Ellis Burks, who had the balls to complain about his playing time. To my surprise, the Giants take the deal. I play one game with my new lineup, and get thumped by Oakland 7-1. After the game, I get a note saying Ray Durham is unhappy with his playing time. Yes, after one game where he played all nine innings. Now I see why the Giants wanted to get rid of him.

--By the way, the Cyber Sox are infinitely preferable to the real world Sox lately.

--I took a nap last night and woke up around 9:40, so I watched the last 20 minutes of Lost. Today that's all anyone is talking about online. Now I'm intrigued. Maybe I'll try and find a few eps online.

--This kills me: I have a few music channels as part of my cable package. One of them is VH1 Hits, which plays new music today as well as hits from the 90's (any thing earlier falls on VH1 Classic, I guess). Anyway, in the past 2 months I've seen the video for Chris Cornell's "Can't Change Me" six times. Remember Chris Cornell's solo album after Soundgarden disbanded? No, you don't, because it bombed. I don't think "Can't Change Me" was played six times when the album was released, never mind six years later. I guess someone at Vh1 loves this song and is determined to right some kind of wrong.

--The new Weezer album is OK. I'd put it ahead of Maladroit, but behind the Green Album and way behind The Blue Album and Pinkerton. Ben Folds new album is good. John Cena's album is surprisingly good (and yes, I bought a copy).

2005-05-19T12:42:00.000-04:00

Possesed by Grady Little

Argh, had the most heartbreaking game of MLB 2K5 last night. It was the last game of a four game series against the Tigers, and a lot of my players were tired. Since I'd beaten Detroit handily the first three games, I rested 1/3 of my lineup. I put Manny on the bench for Ellis Burks, an AAA prospect for Mark Bellhorn, and Jay Payton for Trot Nixon.

Big mistake. I proceeded to get aced by the Tiger pitcher (again, the name escapes me). Change-ups just kill me in the game, and this guy through about 90% change-ups. I’d bang out the occasional hit, sometimes get men in scoring position, but couldn’t get anything going. Hitting into four double plays didn’t help either.

But the thing is, Wade Miller was just mowing down the Tigers. How nasty was he? I had three three pitch innings. Yes, one pitch per batter. Apparently the Tigers aren’t big fans of working the count. So while he doesn’t have the best stamina, he still had plenty in the tank as the game went on. I carried a perfect game into the 8th inning, when Detroit got a single.

That was my mistake. I should’ve pulled Miller out right there. Unfortunately, I figured Detroit would put in a reliever and I’d surely come up with something in the ninth. Uh, no, as Troy Percival shuts me down.

Bottom of the ninth, Miller gives up two quick singles. I should have made the sub there, but John Halama had just started warming up. I get the next guy to pop up, but the next batter lays down a bunt and I fuck up the throw, so everyone’s safe. Bases loaded, one out.

Next guy up, I strike him out on four pitches with a nasty slider. I pump my fist in excitement.

Up next, Pudge Rodriguez, who hits a 1-1 pitch up the middle, juuuuust out of the reach of Renteria. Tigers win 1-0. Fudge.

Ellis Burks was placed on the trading block after the game.

2005-05-12T11:33:00.000-04:00

Playing ketchup:

Item #1: Celtics stink

My Work Buddy Johnny and I were aghast at the Celtics game 7 effort on Saturday. Pitiful. What would Larry Bird think? Well, since he's with the Pacers now I guess he was happy, but still. I think it's time to dump Paul Pierce and start fresh with the young guys.

Item #2: Red Sox do not stink

Wow, two walkoff home runs in two days. Sucks to be Octavio Dotel. I'm liking this team--they give off a real scrappy vibe, even though the team payroll is larger than the GNP of most small countries.

Item #3: Gee whiz.

Go read this. And this. I definitely know what I'm naming my fantasy team this fall.

Item #4: I got promoted

I wasn't expecting it either. And I won a free song from iTunes from my Diet Mountain Dew. That was a good day.

Item #5: Chris Candido

Professional wrestler Chris Candido passed away last week. He wrestled pretty much everwhere in the mid-to-late 90's and I always liked his work. He got hooked on drugs and pretty much burned all his bridges in the business. Most people figured he would end up another casualty of the business.

Then last year word spread that he'd gotten back into shape and was apparently clean, and we soon started hearing raves about his in-ring work. He was working smaller shows, and soon was appearing on TV for TNA Wrestling. It was a nice story in a business where nice stories are few and far between.

Then a few weeks back, he subbed in a match on a PPV. He took an errant dropkick and broke his leg. He went to the hospital and was released, and worked TV the next day. After that show, he was not feeling well, and soon was dead of a blood clot.

Can you imagine fighting to overcome your demons, then dying of a frigging blood clot while you're making a borderline miraculous comeback. Just another reminder of how fucked up a place the world can be.

2005-05-05T12:28:00.000-04:00

It's that time again. Here's a list of random searches that bring people to this here blog:

curley shuffle mets (huh?)
Curtis Leskanic
curtis leskanic jerseys
"3 south" mtv
steven adler comments on One in a Million
have another donut, you fat pig
golden smog 2005
"bling it up" commercial video
hulk hogan merchandise
SERENA SUTHERLAND
gavin degraw i don't wanna be mp3
+"bling it up" +TV +comm
"ted nugent" "aqua teen"

2005-05-01T15:38:00.000-04:00

YES YES YES

The Bling It On commercial (give it a few seconds to load)

Watch for the tweezers being senselessly jabbed into the cell phone about 8 seconds in.

2005-04-25T12:55:00.000-04:00

Much fun yesterday, as the third game of the Boston Red Sox/Tampa Bay Devil Rays game featured two hit batsman (nearly three), six ejections, two bench clearings, and one eyepoke. Strangley, stuff like this is common between the two teams. Last year, Scott Kazmir was ejected for hitting two Red Sox players in the span of four pitches. I remember similar incidents dating back to 2002 (look for Bill Simmons' "My Dance With the Devil Rays" column for more details).

Why are these two teams feuding? Let's look at the classic reasons for rivalries.

History: Perhaps two teams have a rich history of battling each other in emotional games, the types of games your fathers and grandfathers remember.

The Boston Red Sox, as an organization, have been around for over a hundred years.
The Tampa Bay Devil Rays played their first game in 1998.

Location: Let's face it, geographical closeness breeds contempt, and it's easier to fight with someone if they're close by. Interacting with the opposing team's fans on a consistent basis always adds fuel to the fire.

St. Petersburg, Florida, is 1400 miles away from Boston, while Toronto, the next fartherst team in the AL East, is only 550 miles away. Curiously, there are always more Red Sox fans at Tropicana Field than D-Ray fans, although if you look at Tampa Bay's attendence, that's not saying much.

Competition: Maybe two teams are always duking it out for the top spot in the division, leading to a lot of meaningful, emotional games.

In the seven year history of the D-Rays, they've averaged a 64-98 record. The Red Sox, in the same timespan, has averaged a record of 91-71, a 27 game difference. The Sox have also made the playoffs four times since 1998, and won the World Series in 2004. But 2004 was also a banner year for the D-Rays, as they won the most game in franchise history (70) and also finished highest in the standings (fourth, the first time in history they did not finish last).

So this redefines "inexplicable."

Two more thoughts from yesterday's game:

1. What is up with the D-Rays jerseys? Actually, they're not jerseys: they wear long sleeve green shirts with a jersey-vest over it. It looks so low rent.

2. John Kruk on Baseball Tonight lambasted Jay Payton for watching his grand slam leave the park, dropping the "act like you've done it before" lines. Actually, I don't think Jay Payton has ever done it before. Do you still have to act like you have if, in fact, you haven't?

2005-04-21T16:41:00.000-04:00

Two things that demand comment:

*I was in Barnes & Noble yesterday and actually saw a book called Yoga For Wimps. How pathetic are you if need yoga toned down for you? It’s not exactly high impact exercise. Plus there’s apparently a whole line of “For Wimps” books, like the “Idiot’s Guide” and “Dummies” brand of self-help books. I think I'd rather be a dummy than a wimp. Presumably, with the knowledge contained in the books, I could become less of a dummy. But I doubt a book can make you less wimpy, especially one about yoga.

*I was flipping around this weekend and came across one of those entertainment newsmagazine shows (can’t remember which one). They were discussing Brittany Spears’ pregnancy, and ran a poll asking the viewer which female celebrity they would like to see knocked up next—the choices were Demi Moore, Jessica Simpson, and someone else. First of all, who cares? How is your life affected one iota if any celebrity gets knocked up?

Then, and this killed me, because Jessica Simpson won, they did a photo treatment to show what she would look like if she was pregnant. Really, are we this lacking in imagination that we cannot picture what Jessica Simpson would look like if she was pregnant? Here’s a hint: she’d have a big stomach.

2005-04-19T11:37:00.000-04:00

There's been a pretty big uptick in the # of hits for the blog recently. I wish I could say its because of my incomparable wittiness, but mainly its the result of search engines looking for the following three items:

1. Serena Sutherland (it's been three months since she left Law & Order, folks)
2. Pedro Martinez' World Series ring (I don't have it, sorry)
3. "Bling It On" (hopefully not looking to buy the product)

2005-04-12T12:56:00.000-04:00

Wonderful, wonderful day for the Red Sox yesterday. Not only did the players receive their rings and they raised the World Series flag, the Sox thumped the Yankees 8-1.

My three favorite moments:

5. Keith Foulke catching Bobby Orr's first pitch (since Orr called Foulke and convinced him to come to Boston).
4. Bill Russell's comical first pitch.
3. The Red Sox fans giving Mariano Rivera a standing ovation.
2. Dave Roberts and Dererk Lowe returning wearing Red Sox jerseys
1. Johnny Pesky greeting every Red Sox player, coming to Curtis Leskanic, and yelling "Leskanic, you son of a bitch!"

By the way, John Kruk on ESPN said Lowe and Roberts should not have worn a Red Sox jersey, since they're disrespecting their current teams (the Dodgers and Padres, respectively). Give me a freaking break. They put on a jersey and got a ring to celebrate , that's all. Lowe didn't pitch in the game, Roberts didn't take BP. If, say, Lowe was picked up by the Yankees, and he wore a Red Sox Jersey to pick up his ring, yeah, that's a little off. But the Red Sox aren't in the same friggin league as the Dodgers and Padres. Seriously, if this upsets you, you need to lighten up.

2005-04-07T13:21:00.000-04:00

A few random notes:

*If you're not watching Robot Chicken on Adult Swim, you should. Basically, it's a bunch of really geeky skits done with stop motion animation. Last week's episode was iffy, but the few weeks before that was great. It's tough to hate on a show that does "Electric Mayhem: Behind the Music" and a skit featuring Cobra Commander,
Skeletor, Lex Luthor, and Mum-Ra carpooling to work. One of the few shows where I say "Damn, I can't believe it's already over" at the end. OK, it's 11 minutes long and they cram a bunch of skits in, but still...

*New worst commercial on TV: the "bling it on" ad, which is a machine that allows you to paste shiny beads onto objects. Several youngsters applied the "bling" to things like laptops and notebooks and say the word "bling" about 1000 times. But the worst is this woman in her 40's, who exclaims "It's not just for kids. I love to "Bling it up" too," and she puts on some sunglasses adorned with the shiny beads I swear, I die inside when I see this. It makes Burger King's new ads look like the Mean Joe Greene commercial.

*Have you seen some of the goofiness surrounding the Pope's death? Like the ritual where they hit him on the head three times with a silver mallet to see if he's alive? Holy crap, it is 2005, isn't it?

2005-04-06T11:44:00.000-04:00

I found a bunch of mp3's I forgot I had on my computer this weekend.

Asbury Park Mix
1. The Who: "Baba O'Reily"
2. Samiam: "She Found You"
3. Samiam: "Sunshine"
4. Samiam: "Pretty Face, Clouded Mind"
5. Seaweed: "Go Your Own Way" [Fleetwood Mac Cover]
6. Andrew WK: "Party Hard"
7. James: "Laid"
8. Fatboy Slim: "Going Out of My Head"
9. Kidz Bop Kidz: "Float On" [Modest Mouse Cover]
10. Weezer: "Beverly Hills"
11. Guided By Voices: "Best of Jill Hives"
12. Gavin DeGraw: "I Don't Wanna Be"
13. Ted Leo: "Since U Been Gone" [Kelly Clarkson cover]
14. Bash & Pop: "Making Me Sick"
15. Bob Dylan, Ton Petty, Neil Young, & George Harrison: "My Back Pages" [live]
16. Golden Smog: "Shooting Star" [Bad Company cover]
17. Pearl Jam: "I Won't Back Down" [live Tom Petty cover]
18: A3: "Woke Up This Morning"
19: Bim Skala Bim: "Diggin' a Hole" [live]
20: Space Monkeys: "Sugar Cane"
21: Rage Against the Machine: "Guerrila Radio"
22: Soul Asylum: "Can't Even Tell"

2005-03-30T10:40:00.000-05:00

California Diary Day 6 (2/18)

I wake up, check out, and catch a cab to to the airport.

I'm supposed to fly from San Diego from St. Louis, then St. Louis to Boston. I was worried because I only had a 40 minute layover in St. Louis, so I bribe the baggage guy to make sure my bag arrives safely.

I get on my flight, and I'm supposed to have a window seat, but this old guy is in my seat. The guy is with his wife, and I feel bad about making them move, so I take my seat on the end.

The guy's wife (at least 70 years old) spends the flight reading a Teen People.

I'm jealous of the two guys in front of me. One has a laptop and playing this war simulation game, and the other has a portable DVD player and is watching Troy. I just have my manly Stephanie Plum detective novel.

I really love flying. I don't know why people are afraid of it. That feeling when you're barreling down the runway, then you take off and you know the ground isn't underfoot anymore--that's awesome.

Isn't it amazing that you can cross the country in a day? A hundred years ago, it would take days by train, and 150 years ago it would take months.

I land in St. Louis, where's it's a sprightly 40 degrees. Fuck.

I board my connecting flight, and am pleasantly surprised to find there's only about a dozen people on the flight, so I have a whole row to myself. I solve the Jumble, but the St. Louis Dispatch crossword puzzle is too damn hard.

At what point do Stewardess' get fed up with the seatbelt lecture? After five times? Ten?

I land in Boston. It's twelve degrees. Fuuuuuck.

Two baggage carousels are broken at Logan, so there's one working carousel for three incoming flights, meaning crowds about five deep looking for their luggage. Amazingly, my bag comes out right away and I manage to get the hell out of there within a few minutes.

My sister picks me up and I crash at her place. The next day she drives me to my parents so I can pick up my car. I head back to my place and prepare to take a huge nap, until I step inside and realize it's forty degrees in my apartment. D'oh.

So yeah, Cali's nice. But there is no place like home. Even if it is freezing.

2005-03-28T17:21:00.000-05:00

California Diary Day 5

We had a sales meeting in another hotel (the name escapes me) right next to the Pacific ocean. The weather was OK--cloudy, but in the high fifties, and I got to sniff two of my favorite scents--the ocean, and freshly cut grass (still a few months off from experiencing either back east).

We had our sales meeting in one of the hotel confernence rooms, and I got to meet a few more people. I didn't have to give a presentation (which was likely for the best for both myself and the audience).

We break around one thirty and I roam around taking pictures of the harbor. I head back to my hotel room for a shower and change of clothes. Flipping around on the tube, I remember Around The Horn and PTI are on at 2 in the afternoon, which is weird. They also have this local show about USC and UCLA sports, hosted by the two biggest douchbags I ever saw in my life. Picture the most annoying fratboy jock you ever met in college, age them five years, and you have these two guys. They talk about women's water polo like it's the World Series or something.

I also stumbled across the International Channel, which aired shows from Japan. I assume so, anyway, but everything looked real cheap and low rent. Best of all was a Japanese talk show called homeboy, with a dorky, Urkel-esque black guy as the host in front of a crowd of Japanese people. Beyond inexplicable, even if I could understand what was being said.

We all had a farewell dinner that night in a wonderful restaurant with the most amazing view of downtown San Diego. We ordered several bottles of wine that night, and while I'm not the biggest wine drinker, I figured I'd have a glass. Why not, right? Well, as soon as I finish my first glass, someone says "Let me top you off." Oh, well, I guess a second glass couldn't hurt, right? As soon as I finish that one, BAM, the glass is magically full again. This process repeated, I dunno, about 30 times during the dinner. I was pretty silly by the end. Thankfully, not pissing my pants or walking into walls or propositioning strangers, but making it to the bathroom and back was an adventure.

We take a cab back to the hotel. Some people wanted to go out for more drinks, but I decided discretion was the better part of valor, even though my flight didn't leave until noon the next day.

I tried to read--yeah, fat chance of that happening when the were bouncing around. I go to bed and sleep the sleep of the drunk.

Next: The Conclusion

2005-03-22T20:18:00.000-05:00

Go shorty, it's your birthday, we gonna party like it's your birthday

It really is my birthday today, as well as the one year anniversary of this blog.

It's been a pretty good year. I bought my condo. The Red Sox won the World Series. I got some haircuts. Can't ask for much more than that.

Kind of a lousy birthday though. I got my first cold of the winter, so I stumbled through work and didn't go visit anyone because I didn't want to spread my germs. Fun.

Birthdays don't mean a lot anymore. When you were a kid, birthdays were awesome because you got presents and got to eat cake. I didn't realize it was my birthday today until I was stopped at a red light driving to work. Then it was like "Oh yeah, it's my birthday."

Nothing much else to add. I found out I'm hosting Easter this Sunday, which should be fun. I should be done the Cali diary before 2007. And MVP baseball is a really fun game. Now, here are some words on the band Stryper I found at Pitchfork.

"Christian metal: What's the fuckin' point? I mean the whole reason we listened to metal was because it wasn't acceptable and it wasn't approved of by our parents and teachers and what ever other authority figure there was to rebel against. I listened to Mötley Crüe because I wanted to create a schism between my parents and I. It's not like I really wished my parents could have appreciated "Shout at the Devil" so that we could have shared it together. I always felt really sorry for the kids who had to resort to Stryper because their parents were too strict. I'd hate to see where those kids are now. They're probably all dentists."

"

2005-03-18T13:46:00.000-05:00

California Diary: Day 4, Yankees 2 (2/16)

Woke up at 4:30 to catch a flight from San Fran International down to L.A., then catch another flight toSan Diego.

I was picked up at the Airport by a taxi service. The driver was Chinese, niceguy, English was a little rough. We start heading on the highway and the roadforks, the left exit take you to San Fran, the right taking you to downtown Oakland. So we head...right?

"Uh, I'm heading to San Fran Airport," I say.

"I know. This is a shortcut," he replies.

We drive through some of the, uh, lesser parts of Oakland, and I see numerous folks who look like extras from the next Grand Theft Auto game. I duck my head and pray we don't break down. Thankfully we're back on the highway soon, and we probably saved about five minutes.
My flight doesn't leave until 8:30, so I have a ton of time to kill. I finish The Fortress of Solitude. I dunno. I liked it, I guess, but I never really connected with it (or vice versa). Needing something lighter, I switch to the first Stephanie Plum novel (hey don't laugh, I needed something breezy and it only cost me a buck).

Anyway, the flight to LA is brief and uneventful. Unfortunately, an issue with my ticket not printing means I have to go through LAX security again. Joy. Then I have to catch a charter bus to my connecting flight, which is in another part of the airport. I'm sweating pretty bad when I make it to my flight. We're on this really small plane that looks, uh, a tad antiquated.
Anyway, I land and step out into sunny San Diego, 60 degrees with a light breeze. I almost start crying.

A new rep named Brad picks me up. Brad used to play AA ball with the Padres, whichis definitely the coolest sports feat from someone I personally know. He drives me through sunny downtown San Diego, and everything I've heard about the city is true. It's gorgeous. I'm thinking about moving and becoming a hobo--it would still be anupgrade from Massachusetts.

I bum around the San Diego office for the afternoon, basically killing time. I call home and let my parents know I'm alive, but I might not ever come home.

Afterwards I meet up with my boss and we head over to Corronado and check into the Cordova hotel. The hotel manager is one of those people who are a little too energetic and perky, and this really annoying, you know?

The Cordova's a nice place, kind of a retro Spanish feel to it. I actually get lost trying to find my room. Embarassing, I know.

We go out to eat. More whining and dining! I get the pasta with clams. Yum.

I'm exhausted at this point, so I return to my hotel room for some zzzz's.

2005-03-16T21:48:00.000-05:00

California Diary Day Trois (2/15)

It poured rain all day. I'm not talking drizzles or scattered showers--I'm talking record rainfall. Figures.

I drove with a rep down to San Jose--it took two hours. My total commute time to and from work is around 25 minutes, so I was getting a little antsy. San Jose did seem like a nice town, but I'm told housing prices are astronomical out here. In the Bay Area, $900,000 will get you started on buying a house. Cripes.

After San Jose, we drove back to San Fran, so I got to see a lot of the sights (well, kinda, it was really foggy). I did see Monster Park (or whatever the hell the call Candlestick Park these days) and the Golden Gate Bridge. We then had lunch at this Chinese restaurant where you don't have a menu. People just come by on carts with different items, and you just pick what you want, and they'll stamp your menu. Pretty cool. Thanks to my experience with sushi the day before, I'm a whiz with chopsticks.

[Tangent: Why don't atheists ever complain about the cities in CA starting with "San" (San meaning saint in Spanish). There's a ton of 'em--San Francisco, San Diego, San Pedro, San Jose. If they argue about "under God" being in the Pledge of Allegiance, you think this would be next on the list.]

After that, I trudge around SF in the pouring rain (does seem like a nice city). Then I get taken out to dinner (the very nice thing about business travel is the fact that you get whined and dined for everything).

I go back to my hotel, pack my things, and get ready to bid San Francisco a heartfelt goodbye.

Next: Destination San Diego

2005-03-07T13:34:00.000-05:00

A quick break from my Cali Diary to recap a few things:

1. Watched the first few eps of Law & Order: Trial By Jury. Pretty good stuff. It’s similar to the mothership, but different enough where you don’t feel like you’re watching a carbon copy (a la CSI and its various spinoffs). Bebe Neurith is solid as the frazzled ADA, but Jerry Orbach looked awful health-wise in the pilot, and it sounded like they had to loop his dialogue in afterwards because he was too weak to speak. Sad to watch.

With four ongoing series, I hope the storylines don’t get watered down. I can’t remember if it was last season or the one before, but both L&O and Criminal Intent did stories based on the Jason Blair scandal. Hell, L&O used to do the occasional rape story before SVU came to town.

2. I’m reading Airframe by Michael Crighton right now. I picked up a bunch of paperbacks for a dollar before my trip to read on the plane, but since this one deals with the investigation of a troubled flight that kills three people, I decided to wait until I was home to read it.

This is actually the first Crighton novel I’ve read. It’s, well, problematic. Half the novel reads like a Boening instruction manual. The back cover of the novel touts its “authentic information,” and I realize planes are pretty damn technical, but god damn it can get boring talking about slates and VHUDS and NAIL and the like.

The other issue is the dialogue, which blows. I’m talking passages like

“That sleazebag,” Kenny Burne said. “He knows it’s not true!”

and

"Christ," Marder said, disgusted. He pounded the table. "Don't you people understand? I want this fucking thing solved!"

It’s painful at times. But I’m a good portion through the book, so I may as well finish it. There is an OK amount of suspense, and I am curious to see how it ends. We’ll see.

3. I was reading on kickboxing organization K-1 in Japan, and their plans to bring in the Olympic gold medalist from the Polish Judo Team. I don’t know why, but the thought of the Polish Judo Team kills me. I think I found my roto team name.

2005-03-01T11:45:00.000-05:00

California Diary Day 2 (2/14/05)

Woke up at 5 AM, which is 8 AM ET, which is when I usually get up, so I guess it all evened out.

It's so weird for me being in the Bay Area, since I used to worship the punkscene out here in college or high school, and here I am, practically in Berkeley.Of course, if I tried to go to Gillman Street today I'd probably get my ass kicked.Getting old sucks, kids.

The day started out cloudy but it was 55 degrees, so I has no complaints.

I spent the day in Oakland meeting brokers. Oakland's kind of dumpy, at least theportions I saw. I did learn the Golden State Warriors (maybe the most nondescriptfranchise in NBA history) play in Oakland. Who knew?

I had sushi for lunch. Hey, when in Rome, right? It's, uh, a bit of an acquiredtaste, and I don't think I've acquired it yet.

It started raining about noon. Oh well, it was still an upgrade from back east.

Fun notes: I passed by a place called "God's Gym." No idea what was going on there. And I marked out for being on Telegraph Avenue, which has been referencedin seemingly dozens of songs.

Since it was Valentine's Day, every one had prior plans, so I went back to my hoteland ate a Bit O'Honey and a Diet Coke for supper. All in all, it was a pretty goodVD for me.

2005-02-23T17:00:00.000-05:00

California Diary Day 1 (2/13/04)

My company sent me on a week long business trip to sunny California recently. Here is an account of that week.

Obviously, to get to San Francisco, you have to fly; something I haven’t done in God knows how many years (well before 9/11). Honestly, I never really had to fly; everything I needed—family, friends, school, work—was all located in the Northeast. So I was a little nervous—not of flying, or even terrorists—but of going to the wrong terminal and ending up trapped in Boise or Tulsa.

Thankfully, I get on the right plane for my connecting flight to L.A. Everyone told me to buy headphones to amuse myself, but when I learned the in-flight movie was Wimbledon, I figured I’d save myself five bucks. After all, I had the last 200 pages of The Fortress of Solitude, so I’d just read and maybe take a nap. No problem, right?

Big problem. Did I mention this was a six and a half hour flight? I found out I have a hard time reading on flights, what with the turbulence and noise and general discomfort of coach. I found myself staring at the TV monitors and trying to figure out the basic plotline of the silent Wimbledon, which turned out to be remarkably easy. The I watched silent episodes of Everybody loves Raymond while this old Italian guy with huge nose hair guffawed like a horse. It was a long day.

I hung around LAX for an hour and bought an US Weekly to kill some time. What a rag. How can anyone read this shit? I’m not trying to be an elitist—remember, I’m a pro wrestling fan. But this was the stupidest, most vapid waste of paper I ever had the displeasure to read. Really, who’s entertained by features like “Stars—they’re just like us!” (Really? Get out of here!)

Plus I sat next to a couple with a small baby that started crying, and the parents found it a more prudent course of action to just stare at their kid instead of just, I don’t know, picking him up.

I make it to San Fran and thought the airline lost my luggage. I thought my bad was jet black as opposed to light silver. I was ready to start crying until I saw one bag on the terminal—I zipped it up and saw my clock radio. Thank God.

I had a taxi service take me through Oakland and to Walnut Creek, California, and the Embassy Suites hotel where I was staying. I was so tired I went to bed at 8, not even staying up to watch The Simpsons.

End of day one.

2005-02-21T12:59:00.000-05:00

I told you blogging would be light. See, I was in California for a week on a business trip from 2/13-2/19. I would have made some sort of announcement, but I always feel paranoid about announcing that I won't be home for an extended period of time. During the week I'll post a diary of my adventures out West.

Learned about Tedy Bruschi's stroke during the week. Terrible news. I would definitely retire if I was him--he's got a family, and he's already played nine seasons and won three rings and played in a Pro Bowl, so there's nothing left to accomplish. He can take a job, maybe as an assistant coach and remain on the sidelines and be a hero for the rest of his life in New England.

2005-02-12T18:32:00.000-05:00

I watched the "sneak preview" of American Dad after the Super Bowl. It was OK, but it was such a direct rip-off of Family Guy I wondered why it was even put on the air (since Family Guy was, you know, cancelled and stuff). I'll cut them some slack, since it was the pilot and all that, but it's going to need a lot of work.

Blogging will be light for a few days.

2005-02-07T22:16:00.000-05:00

A few post Super Bowl thoughts:

*It's tough to explain how bizarre it is that people are talking about the Patriots as a dynasty, never mind one of the best teams in football. I just never really thought we would ever win a Super Bowl. We were a franchise pockmarked with failure and disgrace. Even when we made it against the Packers, it just did not seem like we belonged. Super Bowl wins were for other teams. Now we've won three out of four.

*This is probably early, but I don't think we threepeat next year. Losing Crenel and Weis is going to hurt, plus we play a monster schedule. Just an early prediction.

*As little as I care for Terrell Owens and his shennanigans, I has to give him credit. He played above and beyond what I ever dreamed he would do. The man's a warrior.

*Freddie Mitchell, on the other hand, talked the talked but clearly could not walk the walk. Rodney Harrison caught more passes from McNabb that you did, man.

*What the hell was Philly doing at the end of the game? Why are you huddling when you're down by two scores? Did they bring in Herm Edwards to guest-coach at the end? This is the Super Bowl, not an intramural game, fellas.

*McNabb had a bad night. Yeah, he threw for 350 yards, but he also tossed three crippling interceptions, and a lot of his passes looked off all night. A C- performance.

*Best commercials: Bud Light (the skydiving one), Fed Ex (Burt Reynolds getting hit in the groin = teh funny), Ameriquest (or whichever one was the "don't judge quickly" ad). Most overrated was the godaddy.com ads. Just not funny.