I went to Easter mass on Saturday. Bad idea. It ended up going two and a half hours. TWO AND A HALF HOURS.

There were extra readings and songs between each readings and candles and all sorts of extra-curricular activities. Some guy got baptized and confirmed on the same night. To me, that’s cheating – it’s like getting your learner’s permit and your driver’s license on the same day.

There were also two little kids getting their first communion. The girl was, no exaggeration, dressed like a bride. When they went up to the altar it was like the "Graansha" epsisode of Criminal Intent. Hopefully no one's sister was run down in the parking lot afterwards.

Also somewhat of note – the priest used the term “orgies” during his sermon. Granted, it was in reference to a biblical story.

I also saw a guy with a mullet, but he had it tied in a ponytail. Gotta looks your best for the holidays, I guess.