Would would you do, given a chance to meet God?

Friday, March 31, 2006

We haven't done this in a while - here's a list of recent searches that lead people to this site:

headstomp video (you got me)
wwf wrestlefest ram (I'm guessing they meant "rom")
the clash tim armstrong update (no idea what this is about)
brick ben folds its abou (it's "abou" an abortion, fyi)
Det. Joe Fontana (yup)
is wrestlemania appropriate for kids (another fyi: no, it isn't)
"Rap songs about butts" (I'm so proud)
serena sutherland (I get this search a lot, still)
play mike tyson knock out in cafe (this would be the strangest search on the list)
punch a cop (oops, I stand corrected)
Gil Fennerty (I'd like to think this is Gil himself googling his name)
gary clark redskins (I hope this person enjoyed my story of Tecmo Bowl Glory)
macdonald's brand (beats me)
eartquake disaster videos (can't anyone spell anymore?)

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

I started playing Super Punch Out for the SNES after reminiscing about its predecessor, Mike Tyson’s Punch Out for the NES. I had never owned a SNES so I had never played the game until a few weeks back.

I think it’s a worthy successor, but MTPO had a certain charm that’s lacking in the sequel. Super Punch Out is hardly a bad game (it’s pretty great, in fact), but MTPO is one of those once in a lifetime games you don’t forget.

Anyway, the gist of the game is the same – you’re Little Mac, you have to fight through a bunch of weirdoes to win the title etc etc etc. There are some big changes afoot, however:

--Better graphics and sound. The fighters look sharper, the crowd is great (especially the grandmothers in the front row), and the sound is much improved.
--Mac is no longer two feet tall. Relating to the point above, graphics improved enough so you can see through Mac during the fight (like the Punch Out arcade games, just not with the wacky polygonal designs), so there’s no reason to make him a munchkin.
--The ring is bigger. In the original MTPO the fighters were largely stationary. Now your opponents can jump to the left or the right, which can be very disconcerting at first.
--One round fights. Fights only last three minutes, and after that it goes to a decision. Bad move – the best part of MTPO was the trash talk between rounds (“I was a trainer…at the academy”).
--The “star” uppercuts are still intact, kinda. If you connect on a certain number of consecutive punches without taking damage, your “punch” meter gets full, at which point you can unleash a killer jab or uppercut. And there’s no limit either – as long as the meter is full, you can throw as many special punches as you want. You can also try multiple quick specials in a row, but I’m not a big fan of that strategy.

Another difference is there are some goofy fighters in Super Punch Out. Pretty much everyone in MTPO dressed like a boxer (aside from a few exceptions, like Great Tiger wearing a turban in the ring) – in Super Punch Out they loaded up on oddballs.

Minor Circuit
Gabby Jay: Takes over the role of punching bag from Glass Joe, with an identical 1-99 record. Gabby gets extra credit for his awesome mustache and battle cry of “Yay!”
Bear Hugger: Morbidly obese Canadian who wears overalls in the ring, which I guess is acceptable in the Minor Circuit. I’m embarrassed because my sister and I could never beat him in the arcade version (she would work the joystick, I would hit the buttons – maybe that was the problem), but he’s really easy here. He also 24 years younger and 330 pounds heavier than Gabby Jay, and they’re allowed to fight in the same league? Who booked this, Pride?
Piston Hurricane: In the original Punch Out arcade game, Piston was from Detroit (hence the name “Piston”). In Mike Tyson’s Punch Out, he was now Japanese and called Piston Honda. Now he’s back to being Piston Hurricane, but now hails from Cuba. Why the crap would a guy from Cuba be named Piston?
Bald Bull: Pretty much the same as from MTPO, right down to the Bull Charge

Major Circuit
Bob Charlie: Jamaican parody of Bob Marley. Says “hoo” a lot for reasons I cannot determine. Laughably inept fighter.
Dragon Chan: Chan’s all about the flying karate kicks, which is curious since this is, you know, a boxing game and all. Maybe Super Punch Out is the first Mixed Martial Arts game.
Masked Muscle: I give them credit for introducing a lucha character in 1994, although I question if wearing a mask during a boxing match is a good idea. His big move is spitting in your eye. Must be a rudo.
Mr. Sandman: Largely the same, though not nearly as menacing as he was in MTPO.

World Circuit
Aran Ryan: Ugly Irishman. If you take his first initial his name is A. Ryan. Aryan? Is this just a wacky coincidence? This guy confounded me the first couple of times I played him, but really he’s easy once you know what you’re doing, which is the story of a lot of these fighters.
Heike Kagero: Seemingly transsexual Japanese boxer who attacks you with his hair. More than a tad disturbing.
Mad Clown: Mad Clown boxes in, yes, full clown regalia, and whose main attack is throwing juggling balls at you. I’d love to see this attempted in the real world.
Super Macho Man: Largely the same, but a lot tougher, actually.

If you go undefeated through the first three circuits, you get to unlock the Special Circuit.

Special Circuit
Narcis Prince: Prince William type of fighter who freaks out if you hit him in the face. He wears a totally ridiculous outfit – shorts, a shirt, and a basketball jersey on top of that.
Hoy Quarlow: Maybe the most ridiculous fighter in the game – not only is he 78 years old, not only does hear wear a monk outfit in the ring, 50% of his offense is hitting you with a big stick. Took me forever to figure him out.
Rick Bruiser: Weird alien looking guy with some nasty tricks (like temporarily breaking your arm). But in the end he was much easier to beat than Hoy.
Nick Bruiser: The big boss in the game with some really nasty tricks (including a barrage that takes energy off even if you block). Still, Nick Bruiser, I’ve fought Mike Tyson, and you sir, are no Mike Tyson.

So yeah, that’s Super Punch Out. A fun game, if not a classic.

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Happy Blogiversary

I started this blog two years ago. I know this because I started it on my birthday.

It's not much (and it's been wildly neglected at points), but it's my corner of the World Wibe Web and I like it.

If you've been here accidentally or otherwise, I thank you. Hope you've had as much fun as I have.

Sunday, March 19, 2006

Here were some of the games I had to leave off the top ten:

River City Ranson: It killed me to leave this off, but I had no choice. A mythic Double Dragon style beat 'em up from the makers of Super Dodge Ball. Game features included bad guys turning into coins after yelling "BARF," learning fighting techniques from reading, energy and wisdom gained from eating hamburgers, and your character's bare ass as they took a shower.

Various Madden games: For obvious reasons

Mutant League Football: A brillant game that took the Madden formula and added monsters. Best of all, if you beat up a guy enough they exploded. And if too many of your teammates died, you forfeited the game. Whoever came up with that should have a building named after them. Great sound effects for the coaches too.

NHL '93: Really solid hockey game, famous for two reasons: (1) you could bust a guy's head open and make them bleed on the ice, and (2) the "head one way then shoot the puck the opposite way" scoring technique that resulted in 20 goal games.

Mortal Kombat II: Probably the best of the series. I was a whiz with the guy with the hat (don't know his name, don't bother telling me)

Super Mario Kart: Very fun and influential game, best played against other people.

The blog turn two on Wednesday - I'll definitely post then.

Joe