Well, I wrapped up my regular season with the Washington Redskins. I had a tough run down the stretch, losing three in a row before beating the Eagles in dramatic fashion to close out the year with a 12-4 record. Surely I won my division, right? Nope, the Giants also finished 12-4, and since they beat me twice during the regular season, I found myself a 12-4 wildcard (for the record, the 49’s had the other bye, winning the West with a 15-1 record).

My first round opponent: Dallas, who I was 1-1 against during the regular season (one of those losses coming down the stretch). To make a long story short, I kicked their ass, 36-0. The star of the game? Earnest Byner, who ran for 223 yards on 10 carries and scored three touchdowns. To put this in perspective, he ran for 350 yards during the entire regular season. A legendary Tecmo Bowl outing for me.

Then came the Giants. To shorten things up again, I lost 28-14. Just couldn’t get anything going. Even when the Giants didn’t guess my plays I still got swallowed up (and when I’d guess they’re plays they’d still complete passes and run for 20+ yards). Very frustrating.

So who wins the Super Bowl? The unstoppable Giants? The juggernaut 49ers? Nope, the Cincinnati Bengals. They beat the Niners by a touchdown to avenge Super Bowl XIII. Wacky.

Offensive MVP: Art Monk (1800+ receiving yards, 17 touchdowns)
Defensive MVP: Darryl Grant (43 sacks)

Oh well, it was fun. I’m tempted to try the Patriots next, but they were so terrible back in the day I’m not sure. Plus they have their old crappy uniforms in the game, which are pink here for some reason. Steve Grogan, where have you gone?

Hey, a Weds--er, Thurs—er, Friday update!

--I got a version of Super Tecmo Bowl working on my computer. Nothing else matters now. Nothing. I’m using the Redskins for some reason, and I wish I had a dime every time Mark Rypien overthrew Gary Clark by 20 yards on a deep pass. Earnest Byner seems settled into a “15 carries, 20 yards” mode. On the plus side, Darryl Grant has 34 sacks through 8 games.

Played the Giants yesterday in what Bill Simmons has called a “No Effin’ Way” game, so named because the computer decides there’s no effin’ way you’re going to win. Otis Anderson played like Barry Sanders on PCP and ran for a whopping 248 yards on 10 carries. Final score was 31-3. Ouch.

--Elizabeth “Albatross” Rohm is leaving Law and Order! A truly landmark day. As for who replaces her, I just hope it’s someone who can act. Maybe it’s time to shuffle things up, move McCoy to the DA’s desk, have a female EADA and a young male ADA.

--Thanks to the people who recommended Ian Rankin when I asked for mystery writer suggestions. I’m reading Set In Darkness now and it’s quite good.

--Picked up Wilco’s A Ghost Is Born yesterday. I think it’s a step back from Yankee Foxtrot Hotel, which is fine, since they couldn’t go much further in that direction. It’s more like the halfway point between Summer Teeth and YHF. Most critics have called it a “warmer,” meaning it takes a few lessons to warm up to it, but I liked it fine on the first spin. Even the long songs aren’t so bad, although I really could’ve done without the extended feedback on “Less Than You Think.”

Since I was in the “W’s” at the record store looking for Wilco, I found White Lion’s greatest hits for $9.99. Hey, shut up. I actually had a copy of Pride on vinyl (one of the first albums I ever bought). I giggle at some of these songs (especially “When the Children Cry”) but overall it holds up a lot better than a lot of their 80’s peers.

--Bill Clinton’s been all over the news. When I commented that he looked like he’s lost weight, someone told me he went on the South Beach Diet. That blew my mind. It’s just weird that the President goes on a fad diet. That’s something you expect your neighbor or the guy in the cubicle opposite you to try. (And yeah, feel free to make the obligatory “I suppose Bill did a lot of things you wouldn’t expect the President to do” comment.)

I only seem to update this blog on Wednesdays. I don’t know why this is.

A few things:

• I’m torn between “Cheat Commandos” and “Wu Tang Financial” as the name for my upcoming roto football team.
• I played a game of Baseball Stars last weekend where I scored twenty-four runs in one inning. Yes, 24. The best part was that the computer kept the same pitcher in for the whole game. You’d think after you give up a run total in the low teens you’d go to your bullpen, but I guess not. Did Grady Little program this game?
• Anyone watch the last few minutes of the Lakers/Pistons game? It was hideous. Guys tossing airballs, someone screwing up a dunk, and Darko playing like he was mentally handicapped. Someone could create a video game called “Garbage Time” where you have to protect a lead using a bunch of scrubs on the bench.
• Bronson Arroyo makes me pine for Byung Yung Kim.
• Anyone recommend a good mystery book? I’m reading some Hemmingway and I want something fluffy to read next.
• RIP Ray Charles. You too, Ralph Wiley.

Ronald Reagan passed away last weekend, as I’m sure you’ve heard. In the wake of his death, we’ve seen statements running the gamut from “Best President of the 20th century” to “He was a war criminal and should have died in prison.” Reality, as it usually does, likely falls somewhat in between.

I can’t really comment on his legacy--my main concerns during the Reagan administration were riding my bike, watching cartoons, and playing video games until my eyeballs shorted out. However, Reagan was the first President I ever knew (I was only three when Carter left office). It was always like, I don’t know, having your grandfather be president.

And no matter what you thought of him, it had to be terrible suffering from Alzheimer’s. I always thought going peacefully at an old age was the best way to go, but I hope to God my mind isn’t gone when it’s my time.

Went to Arby’s yesterday (hey, I had a coupon—four roast beef sandwiches for 5 bucks (no, I didn’t eat all four)). First off, the guy in front on me had this king-sized mullet. He looked like a Lynyrd Skynyrd roadie circa ‘73. It was a thing of beauty. You don’t see many mullets in Massachusetts, so it was all I could do to keep from laughing. Hell, I’m giggling right now.

Anyway, I place my order for the sandwiches and an order of curly fries. The girl (looked to be in high school) goes to the Pepsi Machine and fills up a medium, then places it right in front of me.

“Um, is this for me?” I ask. She nods. “I didn’t order this.”

“I thought you said you wanted a medium Pepsi,” she replies.

“No, I said ‘Curley Fries.’”

How you get from “Pepsi” from “Curley Fries” I don’t know. Either I need to enunciate more or that girl needs to clean the wax out of her ears. Anyway, I got my Curley fries, and the girl through in the Pepsi for free. So it all worked out, although I don’t know what the moral of this story is supposed to be.